Wind Up Dream

What a bizarre and flat out weird day. I think my entire family can agree that this hasn't been the best of years. For my brother and I, I feel like starting this summer, we'll both be practically starting life all over again. Who knows what the future holds for both of us.

As some of you know, I had applied for the Chicago Center apprenticeship. Emily called me this morning to tell me that they weren't going to offer it to me. It was one of the most awkward phone calls I've ever had. After I hung up, I was sad, followed by angry, followed by feeling somewhat lost. But at least I know now and not later. I sort of I guess felt betrayed by Chicago in a really strange way. Like I began to lose all hope and interest in ever returning to the city.

It really was an overly weird day. I did receive a lovely wake up call by Stacy (or Hispaniola, in which Luis gave her the nickname of), the new woman in my life that I am 'seeing' which was wonderful. Then I received that call from the CCULC. I spent the afternoon doing a job search binge for all over the place. Then a little after 4pm, I received an e-mail from the program director for Rock For Kids in Chicago about the accompanist position I applied for last week to set up a phone interview this week. I'm actually excited about this because this is a type of program I think I'd love working for. However, it's only listed as a part-time job. Stacy and I had a long conversation tonight about what we feel is the number one necessity of our own lives. She said she hopes to at least make a different in one person's life. Here's the thing. That used to be my answer. Or at least, my answer to my life goal. But I feel like I've done that (not that I'm saying I don't want to keep doing that). But my automatic answer was to always have music in my life. It's something that I need to live like air or food. I've really been trying to not be a Debbie Downer, but I don't think people realize the situation music teachers are in right now. Each school (if even) usually only has one music teacher. It's not like how schools have 4 or so classroom teachers for each grade or 4 English teachers in high school. I've been searching like crazy, and the jobs just aren't there. Both public and charter schools (sorry Stephanie!). Today I've been doing nothing but thinking. I just wish there wasn't so much pressure to get a 'real' job. Right now, I don't know where I want to go, or really what I want to do. I just know I need music. I just feel like there's a lot of pressure to use my degree for the commonly expected use; to teach in a public school. But Stacy was listing off other ways I can still have music in my life and be able to help people in various ways. And the options she was listing sound really great too. It's just to find them. I'll be honest, I had really started looking for jobs in the area she lives in (or at least up to 5 hours away from where she lives). Stacy lives in Texas, so we are doing long distance. She is quite amazing and if you (the reader) and I ever get the chance for me to tell you about her in person, you will think that she is absolutely perfect for me (because she thinks that I'm perfect). Because of the distance and the fact that we both sort of have lives, we have to wait a while before we can actually meet. Originally, we were going to meet over the summer since she is originally from Lincoln and spends every summer in Lincoln, but she has the opportunity to spend most of her summer in Europe. She invited me to be her wedding date for a wedding she's been helping with in October. Though, we found out last night that both of us are going to be in Missouri we believe the same weekend in May, both attending a graduation of a cousin's. We'll just be three hours apart. So we're thinking about seeing if we can meet each other half way. It's a lot better than the 11 hour drive that's between us right now. And I don't know if I can wait until October to see her.

Concerning the job department of my life, I have a lot of work to do this week. Tomorrow I'm expecting my pastor to call me to talk about the choir director position at my church. Yup. I buckled down. I also really need to start working on finding something to perform at my grandparents' 60th anniversary. I know no matter what I choose, my grandma will hate it, but my grandpa will love it. You're damned if you do. You're damned if you don't. You know?

I've been doing a lot of writing lately. And it's been really good material too, which is really strange. I actually played what I had started writing about Stacy TO Stacy last night for the first time and she loved it. I don't know how I'm all of the sudden writing quality songs. I just need to finish the batch that I currently have and someday perform them. As well as send them to Zane to be critiqued. :)

So, my birthday is in less than two months… If anyone wants to get me anything, he/she should buy me a tambourine. I'm serious. And if he/she really wants to be really generous, he/she should get me a ride cymbal. But I really do want a tambourine. :D

Anywho, I have Super Sentai episodes to watch that I'm behind on. And this Friday is Dan's 22nd birthday!!!

Peace out.