1. I've been pushing myself like the dickens to get myself to blog. This entry is far overdue. Stephanie, this is for you.
2. This has been the first week since I started subbing that I didn't have any gigs. Though, three out of the five days this week I wouldn't have been able to sub anyway. So I guess this is a break from the long-term subbing I did?
3. Long-term subbing was great. A week and a half of subbing the afternoons, teaching the students how to sound out words, read, shake out their sillies, and how to be good human beings. This has oddly been my best subbing experience. I wish my first time subbing started out this way, but we aren't all lucky, and this is the only way we learn I guess. You learn what works, what doesn't work, and which problems are important and not. I'm sure things would be different if I was in my element, but I wasn't necessarily. The only advantage I had was that the teacher said that since I was a music teacher, I could teach them music things (which I TOTALLY took advantage of, or at least tried since they're first graders). Being so far outside of my teaching element made me see the difficulties classroom teachers go through every day, and made me more frustrated with 'the system.' There are flaws everywhere, and it makes me wonder, "Who decided on this crap?"
4. My long term subbing also welcomed me into the teachers crowd a bit more. It's fascinating, relieving, yet disappointing all at the same time. MY 1ST GRADE TEACHER is still a first grade teacher in town, and recognized me. She looks wonderful and ever so more vibrant than she was when I had her 15 years ago. She was such a wonderful teacher and human being. I got to speak with a few teachers (one in specific that I went to church with her sons) and other subs. People would automatically assume that I went to school to just be a regular classroom teacher and once I explain that I actually went to school for music, the looks on their faces change from, "You teach music, so why are you trying to teach reading?" to, "Wow, you teach music. You must being really creative and talented." Then it gets assumed that I want to live and teach here, which then leads to me having to explain the past year of my life in one minute or less (which is difficult). I say that I went to school to be a music teacher, I did my student teaching in Chicago last spring, and I graduated from college in May. I tried getting a job in Chicago, but it didn't work out this year, so I'll try again later, and as for now, I'm living at home saving money and getting teaching experience. That's about as much as I can get in most of the time. And then if I encounter that certain teacher again, a few more facts reveal themselves about myself. Little by little. I've encountered teachers who don't give a crap, teachers who are fascincated about Chicago but only know the tourist side, and teachers who know what Chicago is really like. The conversations I have with the teachers who know the real Chicago are fascinating and intellectually stimulating, and I love it. They get it, which means, they get me. Realizing and knowing this, it's comforting in such a small town. And so comes the disappoint. I ran into a frustrating and aggravating moment earlier this week. I had told my mom last week about a certain teacher who was giving me a hard time whenever I ran into her (I had never been a fan of her even when I was in school). My mom comes down to my room on Monday afternoon to tell me that she spoke with my brother and he said that his wife told him that someone she worked with the hospital told her that I am that most hated sub in Sky-town because of a detention I gave to a volleyball girl over some hand sanitizer that prevented her from playing in a game. This would explain why this particular teacher has been a butt to me. Of course, I'm outraged, but this isn't true. I have never given a detention in my lifetime! I honestly don't even know how to, and I'm not sure if substitute teachers can or not. I thought back to the three times I've subbed at the high school, narrowing down the classes of which I would have had volleyball girls. I've come of the conclusion that a girl from the 4th block class of the Spanish class I subbed for must have started this rumor. I was fretting that night, trying to find details and wondering if I should talk to the principal about this rumor going around. The next day came, and I said, "To hell with it." To hell with the people that feel the need to make up stories, the ones who would be angered over something that sounds too stupid to happen, and the ones who wouldn't even consider to find out if it's true or not. Plus I figured that if something would ever happen, I'm sure the principal and superintendent would have my back. Afterall, this sub day was a month ago. Big deal. This is an example of what goes on in Nebraska, and how far news travels. If people have nothing better to do than to start rumors about people they don't know, then as I said before, "To hell with it."
5. I go back to the high school to sub for the first time since that Spanish class day next Friday to sub a social studies class for the teacher I had for government.
6. Halloween. Well, it was ok. It wasn't great, but it was better than last year. The green ranger costume took a week to make, and it was a hit. It's ridiculous and brilliant at the same time. I spent Saturday night at S~'s house with loads of 10/11 folk and then driving over to hang out with L~ and to drive E~ and his girlfriend back to the apartment. Sunday I drove to Beatrice to see L~ (female L) perform in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I then drove back, having a headache from not eating. I drove downtown to find Quizno's because I had my canvas bag that would get me a free drink and the place was gone! I was so fed up that I just drove back to the apartment, took a Motrin, and lied my head down until everyone (well, almost everyone) decided to get Chinese at Zhang's which really, was a wonderful idea, and the first time I've had Chinese food since Moon Palace in Chicago. Then everyone but S~ decided to leave, leaving me at their apartment with nothing to do but watch S~ play video games or just sit with my MacBook. And so, I got a hold of L~ (female L again) and we, along with D~, went downtown to have a drink and then to Perkins for a bite. So I got in a chance to wear my costume once more and hung out with some wonderful people. I saw both an Inspector Gadget and a Bender from Futurama. The rest were mostly girls who must have been crazy to go out in cold weather wearing such little to cover themselves up to stay warm. Oh! And we saw a group of people dressed as the complete cast of Gilligan's Island! The best part of the night was running into a group of Asian students (at least, I'm pretty sure they are international students from UNL) asking us if we knew of any parties they could go to. :)
7. Wednesday. I had coupons, and so, I used them. I bought some ties (some of mine are just so old looking), an argyle cardigan, and just a plain striped long sleeve shirt that is made of some pretty amazing fabric. And so, I can now replace my beer stained white silk tie that got damaged at Howl at the Moon in Chicago (greatest night of my life, which is also tied with when I took the social work girls to Boystown). Yes, I bought a stain resistant white tie for about $10 from JC Penney. Booyah. Thank YOU sales and coupons.
I then set up camp at Panera for while, having supper and reading the news on the election (in which I'm disappointed in the voter turn-out). My sandwich was disappointing because the things I always ask for to be left off, were put on. Want to know why I never put a condiment on a sandwich? I strongly dislike soggy, spongey bread. For real. But listening the conversation next to me from the older folk made it better. They were going on and on about Dancing with the Stars and then about Susan Boyle. It was hilarious. One of the many reasons why I love Panera. I finished up and drove west to S~, L~, and E~'s apartment to drop of a few things and then drove back east to pick up A~ to go see Azure Ray. The night was wonderful, save the part where I missed an exit and wound up in Iowa for about 5 minutes. I can honestly admit that this wasn't the first time I've missed this exit. Anywho, the first opener, James Husband, did a cover of "Something Good" from The Sound of Music that was absolutely precious. Tim Fite, the second opener, was good, but trippy. He looked like H~, but ten years older. I had to text him that night to tell him too. Hardly anyone was there so we were able to stand right against the stage. Azure Ray were wonderful. This was my second time seeing them live. My first time was last summer when the performed for the free concert outside during the Wild About Omaha Weekend. Aside from a wonderful show, I didn't have to pay for any of my drinks which feels odd to me. My guess is that I drove? Anywho, after the show, A~ and I actually got to meet Maria Taylor and Orenda Fink. I SHOOK MARIA TAYLOR'S HAND. Oh man… It was wonderful. They are so tiny in person! They're my height! And they are so sweet and kind! Maria Taylor is so beautiful in person that I could barely look her in the eye, I was that bashful. I didn't want to push my boundries and just asked her if I could shake her hand, which I know sounds lame, but I feel weird about hugging people I don't know. And I'm sure that if I had made a bunch of albums and toured, I would feel a little weird about a stranger hugging me too. We drove back to Lincoln, I took A~ to get food, dropped her off at her apartment, and went back west to the place I was staying at to find the apartment still buzzing with Dungeons and Dragons activity.
8. Thursday. A~ told me the night before to let her know when I was leaving and if I would want to grab coffee the next day. I woke up, packed up my things, and ran to Best Buy and Target, followed by Blue Moon to have coffee (I actually had apple cider because you know I don't drink coffee) with A~. I was a little out of it when I hung out with her to be honest. When she had to go, I picked up lunch to eat during my ride back to Sky-town and ran into someone I went to school with. Talk about a crazy random happenstance. But it was nice to see S~'s face. We were in Chamber Singers together and she's honestly one of the sweetest people I've ever met. I'm so glad I got to see her face. :)
9. I can't remember if I told you or not, but I'm playing piano for Annie at the Lincoln Community Playhouse. My first rehearsal is tomorrow (Saturday).
10. And so, since Thursday afternoon, I've been spending my time trying to keep plunking away at the Annie piano score. It's better little by little. It will just take a look of time.
11. I would really appreciate it if people would reply to the messages I send them. I sent a good number of messages out last night and got responses from about half.
12. I'm fairly certain my dad is developing Alzheimer's disease. He's starting to get a little strange.
13. I've been having awful dreams again. Someone I cared for who won't speak to me anymore got shot by a drug dealer in one and I was living with someone whom I was really good friends with 10 years ago in the other. Both were just really bizarre and had me scared for dear life when I woke up. I don't know where this stuff comes from.
14. Now comes the long winded bulletpoint; change. I hung out with someone this week that I haven't hung out with in two years, and I honestly went into the situation thinking things we're going to be a little different with slight ulterior motives. I proved myself wrong. I learned new things that I had no idea were going on and found out that I personally had changed a great deal in those two years. Loneliness makes you think stupid things. But then again, love also makes you blind (don't worry, love wasn't ever the case here). I am well aware that as long as I'm in Nebraska, I most likely won't be able to date anyone for about three reasons: 1. Distance and living at home, 2. Finding someone who fits my criteria is ridiculous, and 3. As soon as I can get a job outside of Nebraska, I'm leaving, which would mean, leaving someone behind. I can't do that to someone. I guess I have to keep reminding myself that I need to handle 'me' before a 'we' gets into the picture. As wonderful as it would be to hop back on the dating train, I feel like it would end up being a waste of time. So this is one point. Another thing is that I feel awful when I know I'm bored around people. I'm sorry, but I don't care about drunken adventures and people's personal drama episodes. Sure, I'll talk about different types of beer, but I don't care about how much it takes to get you out of control. I like talking about things that are stiumulating intellectually, things that really affect a person, things that really intrigue. I like to talk about music, social issues, politics, education, etc… I found myself wanting so badly to talk about these things this week, to talk about the election, to talk about how the country may be affected by what's to come in the next couple of months. I wanted to talk about life experiences, things that happened in the past two years that have kept us busy. I was told that I have had such an extraordinary life so far. Well, with that said, why not talk about it? Not that I want to always talk about serious things. If you know me well enough, I'm actually kind of a big dork. After this week, I'm left with knowing what I want from both a friendship and a relationship; good conversation. I probably sound like a pompous ass now. I shouldn't feel apologetic for being this way, but I do. And perhaps this was just a rough encounter. Maybe there are more good times to come. But maybe there aren't. I guess I'll only know by trying again. With the said, think this is a good time to call it a night.
Peace out.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Draw Yourself a Tree
My week of back-to-back subbing is over. For a while there, I almost felt like a real adult. Almost. Save the fact that I was only subbing afternoons. But being able to put on a dress shirt and tie, be in a classroom, not have to have a teacher watching me because the law says so, and actually getting paid, made me feel like an adult, or at least have a real world experience. Almost. I subbed three afternoons for a 1st grade classroom, and this has honestly been the only good elementary subbing experience I've had so far this fall. And I may be back again next week.
I learn every day how much No Child Left Behind sucks and how much standardized curriculum blows. During the three days of subbing, I've been teaching reading. I've been helping kids sound out words like 'asked', 'better', and 'brother.' I know it is not the teacher's fault for why kids get antsy. It's the fault of who ever thought it was a good idea to make the entire district use the Reading Mastery program, where every word you need to say to the students is scripted. It's like you don't even need a teaching degree. All the words you'll ever need to say to the students have been written out for you (even the actions). It's ridiculous. And you have to follow THAT. No creative tools to help further the students' learning. It's sound out words, read, and do a worksheet. Then every other day, the students get tested on how fast they can read a certain passage while speaking every word correctly. The teacher I was subbing for was telling me this morning how much she wishes she would incorporate the arts into her teaching (she originally wanted to be an art teacher). I know I'm not the only one in this world who is driven crazy by how much the system has gone downhill the past 5 to 10 years (and I'm sure you, reader, feel the same way too). My goodness, I was using things I learned in Singers Diction to help the students try to sound out the word 'asked.' And by golly, it worked!
So, in a way, things have been going alright on the teaching front. Or at least, as good as they're going to get for a good while. I've already received my first pay stub in the mail. I'm learning things I don't think I would have ever learned while just teaching music. And I'm getting the extra experience with all age groups of students, learning more and more about classroom management. I just hate how hard it's going to be over the next few years to land THE music job, or a music job. I still don't think of it as work yet. I haven't said once yet that I have to 'work.'
Things on the home front haven't been as well as the teaching front. Mostly brother troubles and friend troubles. I can't explain the brother troubles. The friend troubles, well, remember the K~ situation? I messaged her over a week ago. No response. I e-mailed her last night with much assertiveness. No response. It's been over a month of time and space. I gave all that I could. I'm fed up, and I think it may be time to throw in the towel already. Never have I been so disappointed in her.
But out of this dying friendship has spurred a growing one from someone else, and has also made me realize how much I need to cherish the ones that have been good to me (or at least the ones who talk to me on a weekly or even bi-weekly basis. Also note that the only text message I received this week was from my brother and it was because I texted him letting him know why I didn't answer his call).
Remember a week ago how I had that awful sore throat? Well, it was really allergies in disguise. It then grew to the usual congestion (stuffy nose, then runny nose), the dry cough, and now the barely there voice. Yesterday I could barely get a word out after I got home from subbing. Today is better, but it's still not all there. Hopefully tomorrow I won't sound so much like a frog, and hopefully Sunday I'll be able to finally match a pitch. Not being able to sing is driving me nuts.
And so, tomorrow I shall finally be venturing to G.I. to visit the love of my life, my bestie and his man.
And when I return, I shall begin construction on my power ranger costume. Yes.
I think that's all for tonight.
Peace out.
I learn every day how much No Child Left Behind sucks and how much standardized curriculum blows. During the three days of subbing, I've been teaching reading. I've been helping kids sound out words like 'asked', 'better', and 'brother.' I know it is not the teacher's fault for why kids get antsy. It's the fault of who ever thought it was a good idea to make the entire district use the Reading Mastery program, where every word you need to say to the students is scripted. It's like you don't even need a teaching degree. All the words you'll ever need to say to the students have been written out for you (even the actions). It's ridiculous. And you have to follow THAT. No creative tools to help further the students' learning. It's sound out words, read, and do a worksheet. Then every other day, the students get tested on how fast they can read a certain passage while speaking every word correctly. The teacher I was subbing for was telling me this morning how much she wishes she would incorporate the arts into her teaching (she originally wanted to be an art teacher). I know I'm not the only one in this world who is driven crazy by how much the system has gone downhill the past 5 to 10 years (and I'm sure you, reader, feel the same way too). My goodness, I was using things I learned in Singers Diction to help the students try to sound out the word 'asked.' And by golly, it worked!
So, in a way, things have been going alright on the teaching front. Or at least, as good as they're going to get for a good while. I've already received my first pay stub in the mail. I'm learning things I don't think I would have ever learned while just teaching music. And I'm getting the extra experience with all age groups of students, learning more and more about classroom management. I just hate how hard it's going to be over the next few years to land THE music job, or a music job. I still don't think of it as work yet. I haven't said once yet that I have to 'work.'
Things on the home front haven't been as well as the teaching front. Mostly brother troubles and friend troubles. I can't explain the brother troubles. The friend troubles, well, remember the K~ situation? I messaged her over a week ago. No response. I e-mailed her last night with much assertiveness. No response. It's been over a month of time and space. I gave all that I could. I'm fed up, and I think it may be time to throw in the towel already. Never have I been so disappointed in her.
But out of this dying friendship has spurred a growing one from someone else, and has also made me realize how much I need to cherish the ones that have been good to me (or at least the ones who talk to me on a weekly or even bi-weekly basis. Also note that the only text message I received this week was from my brother and it was because I texted him letting him know why I didn't answer his call).
Remember a week ago how I had that awful sore throat? Well, it was really allergies in disguise. It then grew to the usual congestion (stuffy nose, then runny nose), the dry cough, and now the barely there voice. Yesterday I could barely get a word out after I got home from subbing. Today is better, but it's still not all there. Hopefully tomorrow I won't sound so much like a frog, and hopefully Sunday I'll be able to finally match a pitch. Not being able to sing is driving me nuts.
And so, tomorrow I shall finally be venturing to G.I. to visit the love of my life, my bestie and his man.
And when I return, I shall begin construction on my power ranger costume. Yes.
I think that's all for tonight.
Peace out.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Drive
I'm sorry, but I just don't care that much for Melissa Ferrick or Ani DiFranco's music.
I have some of Ani's music in my iTunes and I listened to Melissa Ferrick for the first time tonight. But it's not like I go out of my way to listen to Ani DiFranco (even though I've actually seen her in concert). I don't hate her music. I actually do like some of her songs, but I'm not crazy about it. I'm just not into that style of guitar playing. That and there's some awful memories attached to her music, which is another reason why I choose not to listen to her.
This totally defies the stereotype.
Peace out.
I have some of Ani's music in my iTunes and I listened to Melissa Ferrick for the first time tonight. But it's not like I go out of my way to listen to Ani DiFranco (even though I've actually seen her in concert). I don't hate her music. I actually do like some of her songs, but I'm not crazy about it. I'm just not into that style of guitar playing. That and there's some awful memories attached to her music, which is another reason why I choose not to listen to her.
This totally defies the stereotype.
Peace out.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
My Collapsing Frame
I don't intend on writing much considering I should be thinking about going to sleep soon. I am subbing the next three days, only during the afternoons however. For a 1st grade classroom. I know what you're thinking…
"Christine, you've subbed 2nd grade, 3rd grade, and 4th grade. And all times were unsuccessful. Why don't you just save yourself the headache and frustration?"
Welp, this situation is a little different. I also learned something this evening that makes all of what has happened make more sense.
And so, what started out as possibly a cold, was really my allergies masking themselves. The sore throat lasted 2 days (and thankfully is long gone), and now I have moved on to the nasal congestion and froggy voice. Every time I try to clear my throat, I sound like Lorraine from Mad TV. :-) So in time, hopefully by Halloween, this will be cleared up. I think I'm going to go pop in a Benadryl now and head to bed.
Peace out.
"Christine, you've subbed 2nd grade, 3rd grade, and 4th grade. And all times were unsuccessful. Why don't you just save yourself the headache and frustration?"
Welp, this situation is a little different. I also learned something this evening that makes all of what has happened make more sense.
And so, what started out as possibly a cold, was really my allergies masking themselves. The sore throat lasted 2 days (and thankfully is long gone), and now I have moved on to the nasal congestion and froggy voice. Every time I try to clear my throat, I sound like Lorraine from Mad TV. :-) So in time, hopefully by Halloween, this will be cleared up. I think I'm going to go pop in a Benadryl now and head to bed.
Peace out.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Hell is Chrome
Day. From. Hell.
I have substitute taught seven times so far in just a few weeks. Basically, twice a week. Twice at the elementary school. Twice at the middle school. And three times at the high school. My experiences with the high school were ok. Nothing too troublesome. Nothing I couldn't handle. Last Friday I subbed for 7th grade Home Ec. (or Family Consumer Sciences as they like to call it nowadays). It was wonderful. The kids were great (most of them). Once again, nothing I couldn't handle. My two elementary and other middle school experiences though have been absolute hell. My first subbing day, 3rd grade, I walked into the classroom never having taught reading, language, math, nor science. It was a miracle if I could get the students to not hit each other. This past Tuesday I subbed just for the afternoon for a 2nd grade classroom. The students could sit still for 5 minutes. They were either snapping their silly bands (which are pure evil), trying to do karate, or sharpening their pencils. I'm surprised anyone got anything done that afternoon. And today I took over a 4th grade classroom. The morning went fine (other than one student consistently interrupting class). Though, the students I had all morning weren't MY students. These were the reading and language students. Not the homeroom kids. The afternoon came, and all hell broke loose. The students had no respect for me whatsoever, nor did they have any for each other. One student repeatedly spoke back to me, and glued the bat wings he was supposed to make for his art project on to the shoulders of his sweatshirt. A student sitting behind him kept crawling on the floor and running around the classroom. She even yanked the Halloween windsock the teacher had hanging in a corner of the classroom from the ceiling. I then caught her using the cutting board (BIG NO NO). The majority of the students couldn't keep their hands off each other. It was the constant tattling. "Miss V, so&so pushed me." "Miss V, so&so won't stop whistling." "Miss V, so&so took my eraser." And while I would try to help someone individually, three people would come up to me one after the other, insisting that he/she was there first to get help and start going off on what he/she needs help with while I'm speaking with another student. This class was awful. I took two students out to the hallway to talk to them to see what was the problem. I spoke with the boy who glued wings to his shirt first. He walked back into the room crying. Don't think I'm a butthead for making a 9 year old cry, because he was back to his shananigans 10 minutes later, writing inappropriate things on the marker board. I left the school madder than hell, with a sore throat to tote.
I ran into teachers once again who remembered me and said hi. Some I didn't mind seeing, and some I could honestly do without. I'm still shocked the librarian remembers me. It's so strange. My art teacher recognized me instantly. This is a man I could have done without seeing. He used to be my neighbor growing up and his youngest daughter was my best friend until her parents divorced and she moved to live with her mom in Seward while her sister (who is my brother's age) stayed in Sky-town. However, K~ died in a car accident the winter of my junior year of high school. It sucks when you think back to all of the promises you made to each other, all of the waves and mouthed 'hellos' you would make to each other while sitting in class as you would see one walk by, all of the things you think about and analyze that explain why you are the person you are now. Huhhh… Talk about timelines and tragedies. I spoke with the music teacher. She was my very first public school music teacher, and I'm fascinated that she still works there. However, she informed me she has a feeling the school district is going to drop her job because they already have her teaching reading ON TOP OF teaching music. Jesus already.
Going over the bits and pieces I've stored in my memory now for my substituting experiences thus far, I only have one question, "When did it all go wrong?" The things that have happened never would have been allowed nor happened when I was that age. Having explained this and more to my mom, she said the stuff these kids were doing would have never gotten by. So somewhere over the past 10 years, something happened that created the downfall of the Sky-town school system. As much as I yearn to be in a music classroom, being in the shoes of a regular classroom is really, and I mean REALLY see and understand the flaws in the system (thanks NCLB). I want to overhaul the system.
I want to create a revolution.
I've spent all evening trying to put myself on vocal rest and the past hour and a half trying to numb my throat with herbal throat drops. I think tonight I might throw in the towel early. Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel in better shape to tackle the world once more.
Peace out.
I have substitute taught seven times so far in just a few weeks. Basically, twice a week. Twice at the elementary school. Twice at the middle school. And three times at the high school. My experiences with the high school were ok. Nothing too troublesome. Nothing I couldn't handle. Last Friday I subbed for 7th grade Home Ec. (or Family Consumer Sciences as they like to call it nowadays). It was wonderful. The kids were great (most of them). Once again, nothing I couldn't handle. My two elementary and other middle school experiences though have been absolute hell. My first subbing day, 3rd grade, I walked into the classroom never having taught reading, language, math, nor science. It was a miracle if I could get the students to not hit each other. This past Tuesday I subbed just for the afternoon for a 2nd grade classroom. The students could sit still for 5 minutes. They were either snapping their silly bands (which are pure evil), trying to do karate, or sharpening their pencils. I'm surprised anyone got anything done that afternoon. And today I took over a 4th grade classroom. The morning went fine (other than one student consistently interrupting class). Though, the students I had all morning weren't MY students. These were the reading and language students. Not the homeroom kids. The afternoon came, and all hell broke loose. The students had no respect for me whatsoever, nor did they have any for each other. One student repeatedly spoke back to me, and glued the bat wings he was supposed to make for his art project on to the shoulders of his sweatshirt. A student sitting behind him kept crawling on the floor and running around the classroom. She even yanked the Halloween windsock the teacher had hanging in a corner of the classroom from the ceiling. I then caught her using the cutting board (BIG NO NO). The majority of the students couldn't keep their hands off each other. It was the constant tattling. "Miss V, so&so pushed me." "Miss V, so&so won't stop whistling." "Miss V, so&so took my eraser." And while I would try to help someone individually, three people would come up to me one after the other, insisting that he/she was there first to get help and start going off on what he/she needs help with while I'm speaking with another student. This class was awful. I took two students out to the hallway to talk to them to see what was the problem. I spoke with the boy who glued wings to his shirt first. He walked back into the room crying. Don't think I'm a butthead for making a 9 year old cry, because he was back to his shananigans 10 minutes later, writing inappropriate things on the marker board. I left the school madder than hell, with a sore throat to tote.
I ran into teachers once again who remembered me and said hi. Some I didn't mind seeing, and some I could honestly do without. I'm still shocked the librarian remembers me. It's so strange. My art teacher recognized me instantly. This is a man I could have done without seeing. He used to be my neighbor growing up and his youngest daughter was my best friend until her parents divorced and she moved to live with her mom in Seward while her sister (who is my brother's age) stayed in Sky-town. However, K~ died in a car accident the winter of my junior year of high school. It sucks when you think back to all of the promises you made to each other, all of the waves and mouthed 'hellos' you would make to each other while sitting in class as you would see one walk by, all of the things you think about and analyze that explain why you are the person you are now. Huhhh… Talk about timelines and tragedies. I spoke with the music teacher. She was my very first public school music teacher, and I'm fascinated that she still works there. However, she informed me she has a feeling the school district is going to drop her job because they already have her teaching reading ON TOP OF teaching music. Jesus already.
Going over the bits and pieces I've stored in my memory now for my substituting experiences thus far, I only have one question, "When did it all go wrong?" The things that have happened never would have been allowed nor happened when I was that age. Having explained this and more to my mom, she said the stuff these kids were doing would have never gotten by. So somewhere over the past 10 years, something happened that created the downfall of the Sky-town school system. As much as I yearn to be in a music classroom, being in the shoes of a regular classroom is really, and I mean REALLY see and understand the flaws in the system (thanks NCLB). I want to overhaul the system.
I want to create a revolution.
I've spent all evening trying to put myself on vocal rest and the past hour and a half trying to numb my throat with herbal throat drops. I think tonight I might throw in the towel early. Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel in better shape to tackle the world once more.
Peace out.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Green Butterflies
1. I feel strange this week.
2. I subbed yesterday. High school Spanish. Three strange things that happened:
- A student approached me and told me that I was her dance teacher years ago. I asked for her name and oh gosh, I was. I now know how teachers feel when they meet up with students years and years later.
- I had two students who had sisters that I took dance with.
- I had a new student arrive who didn't know a word of English. I at least got her name out of her.
3. I sub again on Friday, for the first time at the middle school, doing home ec (family consumer sciences, whatever. It's still home ec in my eyes).
4. I finally bought a piano key neck tie. I wore it for the first time yesterday. Some of the kids thought it was cool.
5. I've been feeling socially distant this week, as in, I haven't felt like really speaking to anyone except for a few people.
6. I was asked tonight to play for a funeral on Saturday. Specifically to play violin.
7. I received my Tommy-Green Ranger costume pattern in the mail today that I bought for $.99 on ebay.
8. I shredded a lot of paper today. Stuff that I went through about a month ago that needs to be shredded because it has names, numbers, addresses, etc. on it. Oddly, I found some sort of release through this. Or maybe comfort. Whichever is the correct word here. 'Release' just doesn't sound quite right.
9. I should probably put together a repertoire. Now that people are beginning to learn that I'm in Sky-town, I have a feeling this isn't going to be the last call I get to play for something. Everyone always requests that I play violin. I don't think people realize how crappy of a violinist I really am. I'm more of a pianist, and more of a vocalist, than a violinist. Just because I can play, and have played since I was 11, doesn't necessarily mean that I've kept my skill up. I probably could be better if I just practiced, and didn't have people listening to me practice. That and not having to worry about waking up my father who goes to bed at 7:30PM every night (you think I'm joking). Me being a nightowl who is used to practicing at night isn't working out well with living at 'home' where I'm not allowed to play piano after 7:30PM. I hate it. I hate is so much. I played my violin to try out songs tonight in my bathroom in the basement.
10. Things I'm looking forward to this month:
- John Lennon's 70th birthday which is this Saturday, Oct. 9
- Sarah's All Hallows Eve
- Halloween
- Creating my Green Ranger Costume, and hopefully wearing it for two nights
- Alma's journey to Nebraska at the end of the month
- finding more things to look forward to
Peace out.
2. I subbed yesterday. High school Spanish. Three strange things that happened:
- A student approached me and told me that I was her dance teacher years ago. I asked for her name and oh gosh, I was. I now know how teachers feel when they meet up with students years and years later.
- I had two students who had sisters that I took dance with.
- I had a new student arrive who didn't know a word of English. I at least got her name out of her.
3. I sub again on Friday, for the first time at the middle school, doing home ec (family consumer sciences, whatever. It's still home ec in my eyes).
4. I finally bought a piano key neck tie. I wore it for the first time yesterday. Some of the kids thought it was cool.
5. I've been feeling socially distant this week, as in, I haven't felt like really speaking to anyone except for a few people.
6. I was asked tonight to play for a funeral on Saturday. Specifically to play violin.
7. I received my Tommy-Green Ranger costume pattern in the mail today that I bought for $.99 on ebay.
8. I shredded a lot of paper today. Stuff that I went through about a month ago that needs to be shredded because it has names, numbers, addresses, etc. on it. Oddly, I found some sort of release through this. Or maybe comfort. Whichever is the correct word here. 'Release' just doesn't sound quite right.
9. I should probably put together a repertoire. Now that people are beginning to learn that I'm in Sky-town, I have a feeling this isn't going to be the last call I get to play for something. Everyone always requests that I play violin. I don't think people realize how crappy of a violinist I really am. I'm more of a pianist, and more of a vocalist, than a violinist. Just because I can play, and have played since I was 11, doesn't necessarily mean that I've kept my skill up. I probably could be better if I just practiced, and didn't have people listening to me practice. That and not having to worry about waking up my father who goes to bed at 7:30PM every night (you think I'm joking). Me being a nightowl who is used to practicing at night isn't working out well with living at 'home' where I'm not allowed to play piano after 7:30PM. I hate it. I hate is so much. I played my violin to try out songs tonight in my bathroom in the basement.
10. Things I'm looking forward to this month:
- John Lennon's 70th birthday which is this Saturday, Oct. 9
- Sarah's All Hallows Eve
- Halloween
- Creating my Green Ranger Costume, and hopefully wearing it for two nights
- Alma's journey to Nebraska at the end of the month
- finding more things to look forward to
Peace out.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Blinding
I've been meaning to write for days and days and just never really have felt collected enough to write something that I wouldn't feel like deleting an hour later. A lot of thoughts, national occurances, and feelings have been whipped up and stirred over the past week. I suppose what has stopped me in the past from writing is not knowing where to begin.
So let's start here. Anger has been the most prevalent feeling of the past week. Why? This is mostly because of what has been happening at a national level. If you have been keeping up any on what is told through the news/media outlets you choose to read/listen to, a ridiculous amount of teenage LGBT suicides have occurred. I am angry that it has gotten to this number. I am angry that this even occurs. I am angry that more hasn't been done to prevent this. I've been well aware of this for years, and why this happens. What I don't understand is why people don't understand why this happens. What angers me even more is that there is most likely someone in the nation who believes that the coverage of what has happened thinks that this is pushing 'gay agenda.' I truthfully don't like calling it the 'gay agenda.' I think of it more as civil issues. This is one of the reasons why I wish I could be teaching in a classroom of my own. I truthfully want to be able to teach my students to be the change.
I have days where I question whether going to teach in a more liberal community is going to help the world or not (Skytown is not a liberal community, which is why sexual orientation is not included at the top of the SCS job application). Yes, it would be easier for me to live in. However, I'm not challenging anyone. I suppose it's a matter of not wanting to feel alone while doing so.
This leads to a documentary I watched this evening called Split: A Divided America. It was trying to find where exactly the nation is split, getting viewpoints from both Democrats and Republicans. I think a lot of valid points were made. I'm not going to speak a whole lot on this because I think you would have to watch it for yourself. You can find it on Hulu. I suppose my biggest upset is religion.
This leads to my other struggle of the week; my faith in God. I've been struggling with this for probably the past year or two, that is, whether I really believe in God anymore. Do I call myself a Christian (Presbyterian), or am I to the point of being agnostic? I have this struggle for multiple reasons. Neither myself, nor my family have ever really been religious. Honestly, I find church to be a bit of a drag sometimes (Maybe I just haven't found the right one?). I don't believe in the phrase 'the sanctity of marriage.' I don't believe anyone is going to hell for being gay. I believe the Bible should be taken seriously, and not literally. I believe that people who tend to call themselves true Christians are the exact opposite. I believe we should be accepting of other religions and not persecute them for worshipping differently. I am to the point of believing that religion is what is tearing this country apart.
And yes, this leads to yet another topic. My church's choir director position is open, and both my mom and another person have suggested that I consider it. I've thought about it. Boy have I thought about it. Not because I'd be doing a service for the church, but because I'd be getting paid to work with music part time. I know the church would be tickled if I would step in. But I'm not sure if I could go through with it with the stance that I have on religion currently. Perhaps if I step in, it will help make up my mind. I told my mom this evening that I was still thinking about it, but also that I almost can't stand religion anymore. This I believe is an every Sunday deal with only a one hour practice each week (Yikes! Only ONE hour?). I guess what my main problem with religion is I want to believe. But with the hate that has been highlighted, it convinces me otherwise. Talk about a challenge…
My only other frustration of the week has been trying to hang out with someone and the plans keep getting canceled. But it's not her fault.
A lot of this week has been spent thinking. I'm going to try not to confuse you as much as possible with this part. This is what has been on my mind:
- It's been two weeks of forcing myself to not speak to K~. It's frustrating. I figured, we barely spoke all summer, why do I have to give her time and space NOW? However, this situation is beneficial in way, and in another, not.
- I'm realizing a lot of my friends are getting into the dating scene again. This is good and bad.
- I'm finding budding friendships from people that I never really got to hang out much with in the past. Today was proof in one of them. A little bit can go a long way. A lot of cool friendships I have have really developed since January.
- I'm thankful for the friendships that have stayed strong for whether it's been 8 years or 2.
- I miss a lot of people right now. I miss my old bandmates. I miss my brother. I miss the people I lived and worked with in Chicago. I miss some of my teachers and professors.
- I'm becoming more and more fascinated with how we react and feel while listening to music. My actions (as well as others') begin to make more sense. I've been listening to the song "Blinding" by Florence + the Machine repeatedly throughout the day. Even though it's a bit of a deep song, I gain a strange sense of euphoria from it. I understand it, and why I feel the way I do while listening.
Now, in other news…
I subbed high school twice this past week. Both English classes. Subbing high school is pretty great actually. Maybe it's because I work with high school students better. Who knows. I'm not going to write any more about this.
My mom had a garage sale this weekend. And my Sega Gamegear finally sold. As well as my Tinker Bell wings I made for Pete's Feat last summer. There is now a 3 year old running around in a pair of white wings that I made myself. :)
I went to Lincoln Saturday night and came back Sunday afternoon. Every time I leave, I always come back to find that my mom stashed more things in my room, slowly trying to turn my room into a storage area without my knowledge. I had a good night in Lincoln. Wasn't extravagant, but I got to see some pretty fantastic people, including my bestie. However, I did not attend Lincoln Calling. That was supposed to be the hang out with the person that I've been trying to hang out with for a while.
I'm going to be the Green Ranger from Power Rangers for Halloween. I have my dragon dagger already, and I recently purchased a costume pattern that I should be receiving in a few days. AND, I may have plans already for Halloween. Booyah.
This week, Oct. 9, is John Lennon's 70th birthday. I feel this is vital information.
I have nothing else that is pressing to tell.
Peace out.
So let's start here. Anger has been the most prevalent feeling of the past week. Why? This is mostly because of what has been happening at a national level. If you have been keeping up any on what is told through the news/media outlets you choose to read/listen to, a ridiculous amount of teenage LGBT suicides have occurred. I am angry that it has gotten to this number. I am angry that this even occurs. I am angry that more hasn't been done to prevent this. I've been well aware of this for years, and why this happens. What I don't understand is why people don't understand why this happens. What angers me even more is that there is most likely someone in the nation who believes that the coverage of what has happened thinks that this is pushing 'gay agenda.' I truthfully don't like calling it the 'gay agenda.' I think of it more as civil issues. This is one of the reasons why I wish I could be teaching in a classroom of my own. I truthfully want to be able to teach my students to be the change.
I have days where I question whether going to teach in a more liberal community is going to help the world or not (Skytown is not a liberal community, which is why sexual orientation is not included at the top of the SCS job application). Yes, it would be easier for me to live in. However, I'm not challenging anyone. I suppose it's a matter of not wanting to feel alone while doing so.
This leads to a documentary I watched this evening called Split: A Divided America. It was trying to find where exactly the nation is split, getting viewpoints from both Democrats and Republicans. I think a lot of valid points were made. I'm not going to speak a whole lot on this because I think you would have to watch it for yourself. You can find it on Hulu. I suppose my biggest upset is religion.
This leads to my other struggle of the week; my faith in God. I've been struggling with this for probably the past year or two, that is, whether I really believe in God anymore. Do I call myself a Christian (Presbyterian), or am I to the point of being agnostic? I have this struggle for multiple reasons. Neither myself, nor my family have ever really been religious. Honestly, I find church to be a bit of a drag sometimes (Maybe I just haven't found the right one?). I don't believe in the phrase 'the sanctity of marriage.' I don't believe anyone is going to hell for being gay. I believe the Bible should be taken seriously, and not literally. I believe that people who tend to call themselves true Christians are the exact opposite. I believe we should be accepting of other religions and not persecute them for worshipping differently. I am to the point of believing that religion is what is tearing this country apart.
And yes, this leads to yet another topic. My church's choir director position is open, and both my mom and another person have suggested that I consider it. I've thought about it. Boy have I thought about it. Not because I'd be doing a service for the church, but because I'd be getting paid to work with music part time. I know the church would be tickled if I would step in. But I'm not sure if I could go through with it with the stance that I have on religion currently. Perhaps if I step in, it will help make up my mind. I told my mom this evening that I was still thinking about it, but also that I almost can't stand religion anymore. This I believe is an every Sunday deal with only a one hour practice each week (Yikes! Only ONE hour?). I guess what my main problem with religion is I want to believe. But with the hate that has been highlighted, it convinces me otherwise. Talk about a challenge…
My only other frustration of the week has been trying to hang out with someone and the plans keep getting canceled. But it's not her fault.
A lot of this week has been spent thinking. I'm going to try not to confuse you as much as possible with this part. This is what has been on my mind:
- It's been two weeks of forcing myself to not speak to K~. It's frustrating. I figured, we barely spoke all summer, why do I have to give her time and space NOW? However, this situation is beneficial in way, and in another, not.
- I'm realizing a lot of my friends are getting into the dating scene again. This is good and bad.
- I'm finding budding friendships from people that I never really got to hang out much with in the past. Today was proof in one of them. A little bit can go a long way. A lot of cool friendships I have have really developed since January.
- I'm thankful for the friendships that have stayed strong for whether it's been 8 years or 2.
- I miss a lot of people right now. I miss my old bandmates. I miss my brother. I miss the people I lived and worked with in Chicago. I miss some of my teachers and professors.
- I'm becoming more and more fascinated with how we react and feel while listening to music. My actions (as well as others') begin to make more sense. I've been listening to the song "Blinding" by Florence + the Machine repeatedly throughout the day. Even though it's a bit of a deep song, I gain a strange sense of euphoria from it. I understand it, and why I feel the way I do while listening.
Now, in other news…
I subbed high school twice this past week. Both English classes. Subbing high school is pretty great actually. Maybe it's because I work with high school students better. Who knows. I'm not going to write any more about this.
My mom had a garage sale this weekend. And my Sega Gamegear finally sold. As well as my Tinker Bell wings I made for Pete's Feat last summer. There is now a 3 year old running around in a pair of white wings that I made myself. :)
I went to Lincoln Saturday night and came back Sunday afternoon. Every time I leave, I always come back to find that my mom stashed more things in my room, slowly trying to turn my room into a storage area without my knowledge. I had a good night in Lincoln. Wasn't extravagant, but I got to see some pretty fantastic people, including my bestie. However, I did not attend Lincoln Calling. That was supposed to be the hang out with the person that I've been trying to hang out with for a while.
I'm going to be the Green Ranger from Power Rangers for Halloween. I have my dragon dagger already, and I recently purchased a costume pattern that I should be receiving in a few days. AND, I may have plans already for Halloween. Booyah.
This week, Oct. 9, is John Lennon's 70th birthday. I feel this is vital information.
I have nothing else that is pressing to tell.
Peace out.
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