Only badass pianists cut their fingers on piano keys while playing.
Peace out.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
She's Got You High
First December entry.
I just may be back in the game.
We'll see.
We'll especially see over the next couple of weeks if I can muster up some courage and charm somewhere.
Peace out.
I just may be back in the game.
We'll see.
We'll especially see over the next couple of weeks if I can muster up some courage and charm somewhere.
Peace out.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Between Two Lungs
I've started countless blog entries over the past two days or so that I never finished because I honestly began writing at an hour so late that when I got halfway through, I was too tired to finish. For some reason, my blog entries don't post at the time I actually write them (they are two hours off for some reason). So I am informing you right now that I have begun this entry at 12:07AM on Tuesday, November 30, 2010.
I'm not going to write about what I had been trying to write about for days. Instead, I'm going to write about something that happened within the past half hour; I spoke with my favorite professor over facebook chat. I'll admit, I found it to be a strange feeling to be speaking with her over chat. But I'm no longer a student and she's no longer a professor at the institution I attended. For the short amount of time that I spoke with her, sharing short updates, I forgot just how much I missed the woman and how much of a profound impact she had on my life. It was just one of those conversations that pulls at your heartstrings. I miss jamming with her (which was one of the things she included in her conversation that she missed, and that she could use a fiddle player), I miss her nerdiness, I miss her passion, and I miss her humanity.
Life isn't where I expected it to be at the moment. Dr. F-Y said that it sounds like I am making things work, and that I have to have patience which isn't one of our greatest virtues (this I am well aware of). I was going to include something else, but decided to nix it. So for now, I'll leave it rest here. I'm just really glad to have gotten to have that short conversation.
Peace out.
I'm not going to write about what I had been trying to write about for days. Instead, I'm going to write about something that happened within the past half hour; I spoke with my favorite professor over facebook chat. I'll admit, I found it to be a strange feeling to be speaking with her over chat. But I'm no longer a student and she's no longer a professor at the institution I attended. For the short amount of time that I spoke with her, sharing short updates, I forgot just how much I missed the woman and how much of a profound impact she had on my life. It was just one of those conversations that pulls at your heartstrings. I miss jamming with her (which was one of the things she included in her conversation that she missed, and that she could use a fiddle player), I miss her nerdiness, I miss her passion, and I miss her humanity.
Life isn't where I expected it to be at the moment. Dr. F-Y said that it sounds like I am making things work, and that I have to have patience which isn't one of our greatest virtues (this I am well aware of). I was going to include something else, but decided to nix it. So for now, I'll leave it rest here. I'm just really glad to have gotten to have that short conversation.
Peace out.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Creature Fear
It has taken multiple tries to get myself to blog this week. My blog entry attempts have either started out with political angst or a summary of what I had done over the days that leads up to now. Let's scratch both ideas and try something different. Especially since I broke my 'promise' of saying that I was going to blog last night for Stephanie, and failed to do so. For that, I apologize.
My Thanksgiving festivities are finished. The older I get, the shorter they become. We rarely meet on my dad's side anymore since everyone has become so spread out around the country (and world, since my cousin Tim is stationed in Japan currently). Today was just lunch at my grandparents' house with my mom's side of the family. My brother didn't even come. Towards the later half of the day, the toilets began to overflow while my uncle was attempting to figure out which bulb was causing problems for my grandma's light up Christmas angel that she puts outside. That was the most eventful part of the day. And so, I sit here in my basement now in my flannel and moccasins with my pant legs cuffed, having gotten my rainbow stocking hat out because of how secure it makes me feel and not because my head is cold. Another thirty days until the next holiday where once it is all over, there is a sense of disappointment that lingers for a day or two until you realize that another holiday is yet to come soon. I've never been a fan of holidays really. And I'm particularly least excited for this year's "Holiday Season", meaning Christmas. With emphasis placed heavily on shopping this year (Christmas was being advertised before Halloween already, my e-mail inbox has been flooded with reminders to shop, and Black Friday commercials have taken over cable), every time I'm asked, "What do you want for Christmas this year?", I honestly say, "Nothing." I don't need anything, and I feel selfish this year to say that I want anything. The things that I do want, I actually need. Like a bridge pin puller for my acoustic guitar (because I honestly can't change my strings without one, and really, these are only like $5 to $7). And a real job (but that may be asking for too much). When it comes to wants but not needs, well, there are a few shirts I liked, and I've always wanted a pair of Toms shoes (does that make me a hipster or a sell-out?). But those are things I don't necessarily need. I guess what I want more than a nerdy t-shirt and a pair of canvas shoes is to just spend time with people. You have no idea how much of a thrill I get when people just say 'hello' to me. I feel like after the past couple of years, I have a lot of lost time on my hands. To be even more honest, one of the reasons I don't want anything for Christmas is because I'd rather save the money for when I can finally move out of the house. I also feel like the first four months of the year were far more than I could have ever asked for that I don't need to ask for anything else.
Being back in Nebraska for 7 months now, I'm finding just how much being away from here has affected practically everything. I've said this many times before, but I knew I was a different person on May 8th (the day I left to come back to Nebraska) than I was on January 5th (the day I left for Chicago). During the time I was away, I developed some amazing relationships with people that are very strong today. But I've also realized that I had developed a lot of lost time with people I had to leave behind that I've now lost those relationships with (I'll be blunt, like Kesha for example, whom I haven't spoken to since September). Though, I feel like this wasn't necessarily my fault. I've been trying since May to pick up from where I left off. Some people are in the construction process, and some have thrown in the towel. I've grown a lot closer to people that I didn't get to hang out much with while in college, and I've picked up a few new friends along the way over the past few months. But those seats that old friends used to sit at at my mental dining table are still empty and it kind of hurts to be honest. Though, those are lessons we can only learn from, right? It was fun while it lasted, but we have to keep moving on. This past year has taught me more about what I want from friendships and relationships, and what makes and breaks a person. Social networking sites help when there are people a person knows who live far away, and that makes it easier to stay in touch. But I have friends from both out of state, and just a little over an hour away. And oddly, my bonds are stronger with the out of state friends than the ones in state. When I say that I really apprecated a 'hello', I meant it. I've been trying so hard to get people to hang out with me in person lately. I feel like some people think that if we're facebook friends, he/she can still feel like he/she is a part of my life. But that isn't all of it. There's more to all of us than what is seen on a profile. So I guess what I'm asking is all I want for Christmas is to physically spend time with people, to defeat this awkwardness and dishonesty that is often created (I would even be alright with a phone call).
I have been very up and down over the past week. Allow me to explain.
Last Friday I was supposed to have supper with a friend. I had scheduled this days before. The day after I had set it up, I had to reschedule the time to fit this friend's needs. And then an hour on Friday before I'm ready to leave for Lincoln, this friend had to cancel because he said he didn't have funds and asked if he could have a rain check. I was angry about this. I really was. I guess I would have been less upset if he told me when I first asked him that he didn't have any money to go out for supper. That afternoon I had baked cupcakes (Cookie Monster ones, too) and I made extra so I could bring him some. But, I decided to do away with that idea after the message. I had baked cupcakes solely for 'the boy's', that is, for Schmidt, Luis, and Elliot since they let me stay at their apartment usually when I'm in town. I was very proud of my work (if we're facebook friends, I posted pictures of them), and I know they liked them too. It was an alright night. The next morning, I got up early so I could do my shopping I needed to get done, had a wonderful Panera lunch, went to Annie rehearsal, and drove back home. The surprise of that Saturday evening was that Luis was still in town for the wedding he had to attend, and so, for the first time in years, we hung out in Sky-town together, having caught a movie at the Colfax Theatre (in which we were the only two who showed up) and eating pizza in my basement while watching part of The Holiday and SNL. It was such a great way to end my weekend (because I honestly don't remember what I did on Sunday).
Monday afternoon I spoke over Skype video chat with my friend Sarah who was one of my Chicago friends and who now lives in Seattle… for almost 4 hours. This was the first time we actually spoke to each other since May 7th when we said goodbye to each other (other than the occasional facebook message and text. I remember texting her the night of my college graduation to tell her that I found a bar that served Goose Island 312). It was wonderful to actually see her and her her voice at the same time. Granted, it took a while for her voice match up with her lips due to some technical difficulties, but it was splendid nonetheless. She, among most of the people I have met while living in Chicago, I feel blessed to have met and to still be friends with because she is honestly one of the most interesting and coolest people I have met. Plus I like being able to talk about the things that we talk about. That was really how I spent most of my Monday; talking and catching up. And it was wonderful.
Tuesday came, I felt nervous going into it. I was scheduled to sub again for one of my former teachers. But to be honest, the day went without a hitch. It was oddly amazing. I also wore one of my bow ties and was expecting at least one student to criticize me. And nothing. Not one word. However, I did receive a compliment. But with all good things but come at least one bad. Wednesday I received something I wasn't expecting; an evaluation. I received an evaluation from the Spanish teacher I subbed for OVER A WEEK AGO claiming that I didn't take attendance correctly and that I wasn't clear enough when describing some student situations. I could say more, but I don't want to go back and look at the piece of paper that tells me how crappy of a substitute teacher I am. I was on a high until I received that letter in the mail. This was from the same teacher that I believe the rumors of me handing out a detention came from. And so, my esteem was lowered greatly. I grew upset once more but had to say to myself, "Screw it." I know that not every time I sub, it's going to go perfect. But I stand by my actions of whatever happened on that Monday (yes, I received a letter saying that I basically screwed up last Monday, YESTERDAY, and if I had any questions, to contact the teacher, about something that happened over a week ago). I still continue to be frustrated with the lack of authority I am allowed to have. Let me explain further.
What I suppose gripes me the most is going into a situation where there is a para or whatever in the classroom, and me being a young teacher, it is automatically assumed that there's no possible way I could handle a classroom of teenagers. This happened on that Monday. I handled south side Chicago students. I can certainly handle Schuyler teenagers. And so, when I would try to speak to the class, the para would step in before I would and totally lose focus of the class. I think this is why Tuesday was so successful. I didn't have a person trying to play teacher when I was supposed to be the teacher (though, there actually was a para for the last class of the day, but she arrived late and I had already established that foundation with the classroom in just those few minutes and she actually got to see me handle the room). After the emotions that flooded my mind, I have decided to not call the teacher about this because after a week and a half having gone by, it's not worth it anymore. I have also decided to no longer sub for this teacher. So if a gig ever comes up with her name one, I shall decline. I can't afford to go through anymore, well, bullshit, with her and her classroom anymore. Though, after telling my cousin who graduated from there this past spring about what has been going on, she told me this teacher is strict and kind of weird. So this is understandable to a degree, and made me feel a little better.
I'm a good teacher. I really do believe this. Not being able to teach music, I don't feel like I really can show my 'true colors.' But what I have left over, I think is still worthy. I'm not perfect, and I don't intend to ever be because it's impossible, but I think I'm a bit further in growth that some first year folks. I disappointingly find the environment that I substitute in more toxic than it was before every day. I constantly wait for the day that I have to give some sort of social liberty lecture because of an ignorant comment that is made. After being in the high school and having recently read the newest issue of the school's newspaper, I realize these kids have so much to learn that isn't being taught here (which is why our country is honestly so screwed up when it comes to social issues). There was a review of the Rocky Horror Picture Show episode from Glee that was off the wall. The writer claimed that the episode was racist and sexist, and had a homosexual drag queen. In the end, it was claimed to basically be creepy and inappropriate. I don't think this student has ever seen the movie, nor has she understood the context. Homosexual drag queen? No, no, no, no! She has it all wrong! Transvestite is the correct word. Racist? And sexist? What?! Sweet Jesus. I realize that this is just a high school newspaper article, but what was written shows me that these students don't understand anything on the basis of gender fluidity. That also brought my mood down Wednesday. First the evaluation, then the newspaper. There is so much I can offer to these to students, to educate them on. But being Nebraska, there are laws that can harm me if I try. It is ridiculously unfair. We live in 2010. Folks, we need to get past this.
I'm going to refrain from talking about politics in this blog entry because I realize this post is long enough. I think this is enough to hold a person over for a while.
With that said, I'm going to raise my Sam Adams Octoberfest and say, "Cheers! Cheers to you, my friend!"
Peace out.
My Thanksgiving festivities are finished. The older I get, the shorter they become. We rarely meet on my dad's side anymore since everyone has become so spread out around the country (and world, since my cousin Tim is stationed in Japan currently). Today was just lunch at my grandparents' house with my mom's side of the family. My brother didn't even come. Towards the later half of the day, the toilets began to overflow while my uncle was attempting to figure out which bulb was causing problems for my grandma's light up Christmas angel that she puts outside. That was the most eventful part of the day. And so, I sit here in my basement now in my flannel and moccasins with my pant legs cuffed, having gotten my rainbow stocking hat out because of how secure it makes me feel and not because my head is cold. Another thirty days until the next holiday where once it is all over, there is a sense of disappointment that lingers for a day or two until you realize that another holiday is yet to come soon. I've never been a fan of holidays really. And I'm particularly least excited for this year's "Holiday Season", meaning Christmas. With emphasis placed heavily on shopping this year (Christmas was being advertised before Halloween already, my e-mail inbox has been flooded with reminders to shop, and Black Friday commercials have taken over cable), every time I'm asked, "What do you want for Christmas this year?", I honestly say, "Nothing." I don't need anything, and I feel selfish this year to say that I want anything. The things that I do want, I actually need. Like a bridge pin puller for my acoustic guitar (because I honestly can't change my strings without one, and really, these are only like $5 to $7). And a real job (but that may be asking for too much). When it comes to wants but not needs, well, there are a few shirts I liked, and I've always wanted a pair of Toms shoes (does that make me a hipster or a sell-out?). But those are things I don't necessarily need. I guess what I want more than a nerdy t-shirt and a pair of canvas shoes is to just spend time with people. You have no idea how much of a thrill I get when people just say 'hello' to me. I feel like after the past couple of years, I have a lot of lost time on my hands. To be even more honest, one of the reasons I don't want anything for Christmas is because I'd rather save the money for when I can finally move out of the house. I also feel like the first four months of the year were far more than I could have ever asked for that I don't need to ask for anything else.
Being back in Nebraska for 7 months now, I'm finding just how much being away from here has affected practically everything. I've said this many times before, but I knew I was a different person on May 8th (the day I left to come back to Nebraska) than I was on January 5th (the day I left for Chicago). During the time I was away, I developed some amazing relationships with people that are very strong today. But I've also realized that I had developed a lot of lost time with people I had to leave behind that I've now lost those relationships with (I'll be blunt, like Kesha for example, whom I haven't spoken to since September). Though, I feel like this wasn't necessarily my fault. I've been trying since May to pick up from where I left off. Some people are in the construction process, and some have thrown in the towel. I've grown a lot closer to people that I didn't get to hang out much with while in college, and I've picked up a few new friends along the way over the past few months. But those seats that old friends used to sit at at my mental dining table are still empty and it kind of hurts to be honest. Though, those are lessons we can only learn from, right? It was fun while it lasted, but we have to keep moving on. This past year has taught me more about what I want from friendships and relationships, and what makes and breaks a person. Social networking sites help when there are people a person knows who live far away, and that makes it easier to stay in touch. But I have friends from both out of state, and just a little over an hour away. And oddly, my bonds are stronger with the out of state friends than the ones in state. When I say that I really apprecated a 'hello', I meant it. I've been trying so hard to get people to hang out with me in person lately. I feel like some people think that if we're facebook friends, he/she can still feel like he/she is a part of my life. But that isn't all of it. There's more to all of us than what is seen on a profile. So I guess what I'm asking is all I want for Christmas is to physically spend time with people, to defeat this awkwardness and dishonesty that is often created (I would even be alright with a phone call).
I have been very up and down over the past week. Allow me to explain.
Last Friday I was supposed to have supper with a friend. I had scheduled this days before. The day after I had set it up, I had to reschedule the time to fit this friend's needs. And then an hour on Friday before I'm ready to leave for Lincoln, this friend had to cancel because he said he didn't have funds and asked if he could have a rain check. I was angry about this. I really was. I guess I would have been less upset if he told me when I first asked him that he didn't have any money to go out for supper. That afternoon I had baked cupcakes (Cookie Monster ones, too) and I made extra so I could bring him some. But, I decided to do away with that idea after the message. I had baked cupcakes solely for 'the boy's', that is, for Schmidt, Luis, and Elliot since they let me stay at their apartment usually when I'm in town. I was very proud of my work (if we're facebook friends, I posted pictures of them), and I know they liked them too. It was an alright night. The next morning, I got up early so I could do my shopping I needed to get done, had a wonderful Panera lunch, went to Annie rehearsal, and drove back home. The surprise of that Saturday evening was that Luis was still in town for the wedding he had to attend, and so, for the first time in years, we hung out in Sky-town together, having caught a movie at the Colfax Theatre (in which we were the only two who showed up) and eating pizza in my basement while watching part of The Holiday and SNL. It was such a great way to end my weekend (because I honestly don't remember what I did on Sunday).
Monday afternoon I spoke over Skype video chat with my friend Sarah who was one of my Chicago friends and who now lives in Seattle… for almost 4 hours. This was the first time we actually spoke to each other since May 7th when we said goodbye to each other (other than the occasional facebook message and text. I remember texting her the night of my college graduation to tell her that I found a bar that served Goose Island 312). It was wonderful to actually see her and her her voice at the same time. Granted, it took a while for her voice match up with her lips due to some technical difficulties, but it was splendid nonetheless. She, among most of the people I have met while living in Chicago, I feel blessed to have met and to still be friends with because she is honestly one of the most interesting and coolest people I have met. Plus I like being able to talk about the things that we talk about. That was really how I spent most of my Monday; talking and catching up. And it was wonderful.
Tuesday came, I felt nervous going into it. I was scheduled to sub again for one of my former teachers. But to be honest, the day went without a hitch. It was oddly amazing. I also wore one of my bow ties and was expecting at least one student to criticize me. And nothing. Not one word. However, I did receive a compliment. But with all good things but come at least one bad. Wednesday I received something I wasn't expecting; an evaluation. I received an evaluation from the Spanish teacher I subbed for OVER A WEEK AGO claiming that I didn't take attendance correctly and that I wasn't clear enough when describing some student situations. I could say more, but I don't want to go back and look at the piece of paper that tells me how crappy of a substitute teacher I am. I was on a high until I received that letter in the mail. This was from the same teacher that I believe the rumors of me handing out a detention came from. And so, my esteem was lowered greatly. I grew upset once more but had to say to myself, "Screw it." I know that not every time I sub, it's going to go perfect. But I stand by my actions of whatever happened on that Monday (yes, I received a letter saying that I basically screwed up last Monday, YESTERDAY, and if I had any questions, to contact the teacher, about something that happened over a week ago). I still continue to be frustrated with the lack of authority I am allowed to have. Let me explain further.
What I suppose gripes me the most is going into a situation where there is a para or whatever in the classroom, and me being a young teacher, it is automatically assumed that there's no possible way I could handle a classroom of teenagers. This happened on that Monday. I handled south side Chicago students. I can certainly handle Schuyler teenagers. And so, when I would try to speak to the class, the para would step in before I would and totally lose focus of the class. I think this is why Tuesday was so successful. I didn't have a person trying to play teacher when I was supposed to be the teacher (though, there actually was a para for the last class of the day, but she arrived late and I had already established that foundation with the classroom in just those few minutes and she actually got to see me handle the room). After the emotions that flooded my mind, I have decided to not call the teacher about this because after a week and a half having gone by, it's not worth it anymore. I have also decided to no longer sub for this teacher. So if a gig ever comes up with her name one, I shall decline. I can't afford to go through anymore, well, bullshit, with her and her classroom anymore. Though, after telling my cousin who graduated from there this past spring about what has been going on, she told me this teacher is strict and kind of weird. So this is understandable to a degree, and made me feel a little better.
I'm a good teacher. I really do believe this. Not being able to teach music, I don't feel like I really can show my 'true colors.' But what I have left over, I think is still worthy. I'm not perfect, and I don't intend to ever be because it's impossible, but I think I'm a bit further in growth that some first year folks. I disappointingly find the environment that I substitute in more toxic than it was before every day. I constantly wait for the day that I have to give some sort of social liberty lecture because of an ignorant comment that is made. After being in the high school and having recently read the newest issue of the school's newspaper, I realize these kids have so much to learn that isn't being taught here (which is why our country is honestly so screwed up when it comes to social issues). There was a review of the Rocky Horror Picture Show episode from Glee that was off the wall. The writer claimed that the episode was racist and sexist, and had a homosexual drag queen. In the end, it was claimed to basically be creepy and inappropriate. I don't think this student has ever seen the movie, nor has she understood the context. Homosexual drag queen? No, no, no, no! She has it all wrong! Transvestite is the correct word. Racist? And sexist? What?! Sweet Jesus. I realize that this is just a high school newspaper article, but what was written shows me that these students don't understand anything on the basis of gender fluidity. That also brought my mood down Wednesday. First the evaluation, then the newspaper. There is so much I can offer to these to students, to educate them on. But being Nebraska, there are laws that can harm me if I try. It is ridiculously unfair. We live in 2010. Folks, we need to get past this.
I'm going to refrain from talking about politics in this blog entry because I realize this post is long enough. I think this is enough to hold a person over for a while.
With that said, I'm going to raise my Sam Adams Octoberfest and say, "Cheers! Cheers to you, my friend!"
Peace out.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Science vs. Romance
This may come off as weird. But then again, if you know me well, you'll understand.
I am fairly certain I need to meet, date, and marry the girl who won the contest to live in the Museum of Science and Industry for a month in Chicago.
Seriously.
With an audition tape like that…For real.
Peace out.
I am fairly certain I need to meet, date, and marry the girl who won the contest to live in the Museum of Science and Industry for a month in Chicago.
Seriously.
With an audition tape like that…For real.
Peace out.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Dark Was The Night
1. I've been stuck in a funk for the past 48 hours for various reasons. Allow me to delve further into the subject.
2. I've sort of been job hunting again, my search somewhat lacking specificity. I looked in Nebraska, even though I don't want to teach here. One. Oskosh. No. Not interested in the slightest. I found my dream job of what would have been two years ago. Elementary/middle school strings. But it's in Oregon. And there's a bit of a catch. The job doesn't start until February, and it's technically temporary. The job goes until the end of the year, but if you want to stay, you have to reapply for your job because they're building a new school. It sort of sounds fishy. I found the listing on the MENC website. As of Illinois in general, there's an elementary music position in Decatur that will be for next year. They won't start interviewing until the spring. There are a few other positions (I think they were all elementary music as well) in the northern suburbs (and sort of suburbs) of Chicago.
3. I subbed for a 6th grade classroom last Friday afternoon, and for a high school Spanish class all day today. Both went alright. Friday went surprisingly well. Today, well, I feel like didn't go that well. I really didn't have any problems (though starting off the day being told I have to monitor ISS wasn't all that wonderful). I sadly feel like each time I sub at the high school, I enter myself into even more of a toxic environment than before. I sat in the classroom, just waiting for the clock to reach 3:40 so I could go home. I've subbed for this classroom before, and I feel rather certain this was the class where the rumor of me giving out a detention that prevented a girl from playing volleyball sprouted. I guess each time I sub at the high school, I feel more powerless than the time before. I don't know the subject material that well. I can't implement different assignments if something isn't working or there isn't anything to work on. And when there's a para in the room, I get walked on all over, thus knocking the authority that I have underneath me (this happened today, twice, though the first time I didn't mind). I'm a young teacher, so understand why students treat me differently than substitutes who are older. I am still at the stage that I feel I can't let my guard down because I know they will try at their first shot to walk all over me. I had to be a bit of a hard ass today. I would be sitting at the desk letting students work and whenever I'd look up, I'd find at least one or two students seeing if I was watching what they were doing. I believe I acted the way I did today because I wanted the students to be aware that I won't let a whole heck of a lot slide just because I'm a substitute. No, I won't let you text during class and I won't let you play games on the computer when you're supposed to be working on your power point presentation. I don't feel efficient as a substitute (who does?) and I know that all I'm really there to do is babysit and make sure no one kills someone. There are moments where I wish I could show the students some way or another that I can really do as a teacher, what I went to school for, but I know this will never happen (or at least chances are slim). I feel rather useless here.
4. I've been studying the piano score for Annie a lot over the past 24 hours, almost as if I was going to conduct it, mostly to get difficult rhythms down and such. I have a lot of work to do this week before the next rehearsal. It's getting better, that's for sure, but I still have a ways to go. My hands were about to fall off last night playing one boomchuck after the other. It was frustrating and I slammed my hands down at the keys probably a good three times and finally had to get myself to just stop. Even though I got frustrated while practicing, it's oddly the only thing right now that's keeping me sane. Imagining life without music becomes harder and harder every day because I know just how essential it is to my being. I really need to challenge myself musically over the next few months.
5. The new Josh Groban album came out today. I don't have it yet. This could create problems.
6. I spoke with a friend online late last night that I haven't hung out with since the house show I played in at Z~'s before he moved. The first thing she said to me was, "We miss you here." I didn't know how to quite respond to it right away, but it brightened up my night. Some time between now and when I'm done with Annie, we WILL hang out at least once.
7. I'm listening to the album Dark Was The Night that I got from my friend H~'s iTunes when we lived together in Chicago. I never really listened to the entire album in one sitting. Tonight I'm listening to it as I type. And I love it. I absolutely love it. There are things I want to say about certain tracks, but I feel almost too vulnerable to discuss right now. Thank you, aesthetics. Thank you.
8. I took a good 3 hour nap this evening after I got home from school. I had a dream where I was in Chicago with my friend L~, A~ (whom I haven't hung out with since my first year of college), some guy that was to look like a person I know, but didn't really, and D~ who had the body of a certain drag queen. We were downtown near the Chicago Red Line stop downtown, west of Michigan Ave., and it was dark and rainy and we were at a party. There is more to this dream that I'm sure you don't care about reading. For as bizarre as the dream became, it was rather amusing. It was a good nap.
I think that's all I can hammer out for now.
Peace out.
2. I've sort of been job hunting again, my search somewhat lacking specificity. I looked in Nebraska, even though I don't want to teach here. One. Oskosh. No. Not interested in the slightest. I found my dream job of what would have been two years ago. Elementary/middle school strings. But it's in Oregon. And there's a bit of a catch. The job doesn't start until February, and it's technically temporary. The job goes until the end of the year, but if you want to stay, you have to reapply for your job because they're building a new school. It sort of sounds fishy. I found the listing on the MENC website. As of Illinois in general, there's an elementary music position in Decatur that will be for next year. They won't start interviewing until the spring. There are a few other positions (I think they were all elementary music as well) in the northern suburbs (and sort of suburbs) of Chicago.
3. I subbed for a 6th grade classroom last Friday afternoon, and for a high school Spanish class all day today. Both went alright. Friday went surprisingly well. Today, well, I feel like didn't go that well. I really didn't have any problems (though starting off the day being told I have to monitor ISS wasn't all that wonderful). I sadly feel like each time I sub at the high school, I enter myself into even more of a toxic environment than before. I sat in the classroom, just waiting for the clock to reach 3:40 so I could go home. I've subbed for this classroom before, and I feel rather certain this was the class where the rumor of me giving out a detention that prevented a girl from playing volleyball sprouted. I guess each time I sub at the high school, I feel more powerless than the time before. I don't know the subject material that well. I can't implement different assignments if something isn't working or there isn't anything to work on. And when there's a para in the room, I get walked on all over, thus knocking the authority that I have underneath me (this happened today, twice, though the first time I didn't mind). I'm a young teacher, so understand why students treat me differently than substitutes who are older. I am still at the stage that I feel I can't let my guard down because I know they will try at their first shot to walk all over me. I had to be a bit of a hard ass today. I would be sitting at the desk letting students work and whenever I'd look up, I'd find at least one or two students seeing if I was watching what they were doing. I believe I acted the way I did today because I wanted the students to be aware that I won't let a whole heck of a lot slide just because I'm a substitute. No, I won't let you text during class and I won't let you play games on the computer when you're supposed to be working on your power point presentation. I don't feel efficient as a substitute (who does?) and I know that all I'm really there to do is babysit and make sure no one kills someone. There are moments where I wish I could show the students some way or another that I can really do as a teacher, what I went to school for, but I know this will never happen (or at least chances are slim). I feel rather useless here.
4. I've been studying the piano score for Annie a lot over the past 24 hours, almost as if I was going to conduct it, mostly to get difficult rhythms down and such. I have a lot of work to do this week before the next rehearsal. It's getting better, that's for sure, but I still have a ways to go. My hands were about to fall off last night playing one boomchuck after the other. It was frustrating and I slammed my hands down at the keys probably a good three times and finally had to get myself to just stop. Even though I got frustrated while practicing, it's oddly the only thing right now that's keeping me sane. Imagining life without music becomes harder and harder every day because I know just how essential it is to my being. I really need to challenge myself musically over the next few months.
5. The new Josh Groban album came out today. I don't have it yet. This could create problems.
6. I spoke with a friend online late last night that I haven't hung out with since the house show I played in at Z~'s before he moved. The first thing she said to me was, "We miss you here." I didn't know how to quite respond to it right away, but it brightened up my night. Some time between now and when I'm done with Annie, we WILL hang out at least once.
7. I'm listening to the album Dark Was The Night that I got from my friend H~'s iTunes when we lived together in Chicago. I never really listened to the entire album in one sitting. Tonight I'm listening to it as I type. And I love it. I absolutely love it. There are things I want to say about certain tracks, but I feel almost too vulnerable to discuss right now. Thank you, aesthetics. Thank you.
8. I took a good 3 hour nap this evening after I got home from school. I had a dream where I was in Chicago with my friend L~, A~ (whom I haven't hung out with since my first year of college), some guy that was to look like a person I know, but didn't really, and D~ who had the body of a certain drag queen. We were downtown near the Chicago Red Line stop downtown, west of Michigan Ave., and it was dark and rainy and we were at a party. There is more to this dream that I'm sure you don't care about reading. For as bizarre as the dream became, it was rather amusing. It was a good nap.
I think that's all I can hammer out for now.
Peace out.
Monday, November 8, 2010
How do you solve a problem like Sarah?
Political rants…and other things that bother me (as well as things that don’t).
Today has been a Palin themed day, particularly a Bristol Palin themed day. She was on The Ellen Show, and currently I’m watching Dancing with the Stars (as you should know that she is a contestant on the show). Having watched Bristol Palin dance a good number of times, I still don’t understand why she hasn’t been voted off yet. I highly doubt she’ll win the competition, but if she does, I think many viewers will stop watching the show. Seriously. I didn’t know Bristol Palin is a spokeswoman for teen pregnancy and is promoting abstinence only (DWTS addressed her as a ‘teen activist’). In my opinion, I think Bristol Palin could be doing better things with her time. Whoopty doo for her wanting to go outside her comfort zone and try something new like Dancing with the Stars. Good for her. But I don’t think she realized what she had gotten herself into once she signed on. She’s only 20 years old, with a two year old son and a bat shit crazy mother. Bristol Palin makes $15,000 to $30,000 per speaking gig (who knows how much she’s making for DWTS) she does. Plus, as far as I know, she’s living at home with the rest of her family. Why doesn’t she use her money and go to school? This would perhaps give her a better reputation since her teen pregnancy and crazy mother haven’t helped. That and not getting her absentee ballot in for the recent election.
I tried to find an official website for Sarah Palin and could only find her facebook and twitter account (along with the usual wikipedia page and a PAC site). To be honest, I don’t want to find out what politicians’ political stances are by looking at a facebook or twitter account. I just don’t find it professional. Since I refuse to use twitter, I looked at her facebook. It’s insane. She called Election Day “Freedom Day.” I read her note about Juan Williams. What she’s doing is catagorizing all Muslims into on group; terrorists. Not every Muslim is a radical Muslim, just waiting on standby to attack. What a giant middle finger to Muslim Americans who live their lives like any other average human being in this country. Juan Williams’ Muslim stereotype is like a white person feeling uncomfortable when a black person steps on to the bus wearing baggy pants and a baggy shirt. These are wonderful lessons we are teaching the youth of the United States! I didn’t do any further reading on Palin’s facebook as I could feel my IQ lower. Anywho… Sarah Palin served on the Wasilla city council, became mayor of Wasilla for two terms, and was governor of Alaska for three years. So, most experience was with local policy and just a taste of state (how can you imagine her accomplishing anything while governor when she was the vice presidential candidate for John McCain?). How anyone could see that she’d be a great candidate to run this country, only God, Allah, Buddah, whomever, knows. I guess what irks me the most right now about Sarah Palin is her running around the country being a pundit for FOX News and putting in her two cents in everything through social media. And you know damn well she’s going to run for President. All this time and energy that she’s wasting (and making herself look dumb and bad, thus furthering her reputation into the ground), I’m sure she could put it to much efficient use. Instead of this ridiculous reality show on TLC, copping out for money and exposing her family to the world, why not just put a lid on it and actually spend time with her family and take care of her kids (because you know the younger ones are going to become rebellious teenagers due to the lack of parenting). Why doesn’t she put her for in for wildlife conservation? Though, her shooting animals from helicopters may be troublesome. Even though I find her to be dumber than a brick right now, why doesn’t she put her foot in education? Afterall, the sources I could find on her say she supports education, and that IS an area that needs LOADS of help right now. Her father was a teacher and her mother was a school secretary. Why not? Help the kids. Help the teachers. Though, this may be troublesome when it comes to social issues, but let’s not get into that just yet. A lot of women kind of hate her, especially when she tries to hard to say she’s a womens activist. Whatever. Why doesn’t she put her foot in the door for breast cancer, or ovarian cancer? Womens health. That could quite possibly be the way she could redeem herself. Sarah, when it comes to politics, you just aren’t welcome. There are a lot of causes out there that need help. Politics just isn’t your cup of tea.
Since we’re talking republicans…
Meghan McCain.
I think she’s wonderful to be honest (even though she’s John McCain’s daughter). I kind of want to buy her book (mostly because I can’t figure out her blog). I’ll admit, I think she’s attractive. It also helps that she’s LGBTQI friendly, shoots LGBT PSAs, and judges drag pageants. Oh yeah. She’s a cool republican in my book. She also thinks Christine O’Donnell is nuts and criticizes Bristol Palin’s abstinence campaign because it’s “not realistic for this generation.”
I found an article today about a Tea Party organization going nuts in a town called Fountain Hills, AZ because the town voted to have a single trash collector and start a curbside recycling program. The Tea Party is calling it socialism (isn’t this they’re argument for everything nowadays?). Heavens tibetsy, it’s just trash! AND RECYLCING! It sounds like the town is looking out for the cleanliness and an environmentally savvy way to keep the town clean. Why is it a big deal that Fountain Hills doesn’t have a choice of who picks up his/her trash? It’s trash! People are getting riled up over the stupidest things. Why aren’t we focusing on saving our schools? Finding cures for cancer? Solving homelessness? Putting a stop to crime and violence? Since January, Chicago has had 379 murders.
Now yes, I do spend a lot of time criticizing the GOP and Tea Party. I am a registered democrat. But I’m not saying that I’m satisfied with that my party has done either.
Seriously dems, you need to grow a pair.
Stop piddling around and get shit done. This is why the gays and a good portion of the country are turning their backs on you. The LGBTQI community is getting antsy and fed up. We live in 2010 and the country is letting people get away with saying gays should be hung. Folks, we don’t live in Uganda so let’s knock this crap off. A good portion of Europe is ahead of us when it comes to civil liberties. So what is taking the United States so long? DADT hasn’t been repealed. Conservatives are trying to go back and change marriage laws in Iowa. People can still be fired for being gay. What kind of message are we sending to children? That it’s not ok to be yourself? To not be different? To not love unconditionally? This always ends in a religious debate, so let’s just take it there and get it over with.
The people who oppose gay marriage pretty much have based their arguments on the Bible. What about the people who practice other religions? Or don’t practice a religion at all? What about the folks who don’t believe in God and get married in court houses? To the people who oppose homosexuality and gay marriage, I don’t expect every religion to accept my offer to get married in their church. I do, however, expect to be accepted for who I am. Besides, if I get married, I’d find a church (if I would decide to get married in one) that I’m comfortable with. I also don’t think the people who are of opposition realize how much evolution marriage has gone through. Don’t they realize that history is all about change? Gay marriage in this country isn’t personally inflicting harm on to anyone. And marriage was originally about property. And this sacrament of marriage crap? Look at the overload of heterosexual couples who have been divorced in this country (and especially at those who have been married and divorced more than once). Sacred my butt. Another thing that gripes me is how people condemn gays because they have non-reproductive sex. Straight couples do so as well! Why not pick on them too? Condemn the heterosexual couples as well who can’t have kids or choose not to. Let this be stated; gays are not on this planet to brainwash others. Gay teachers do not teacher so they can brainwash their students into becoming gay. Heavens no! Gay teachers teach because they love to teach, like all the other teachers out there who choose to go into the profession. Homosexuality is not a choice, but homophobia is.
The “It Gets Better” ads.
These were a really good idea in the beginning. But now they are getting annoying because practically EVERYONE has made one. To a good number of the famous and political folks who have created one, I want them prove what they are saying. Does it really get better? Because by the looks of it, it’s not. We still live in a society where you see hateful messages said by politicians every day on the television. White House, let us mean what we say and do it. If it’s going to get better, let’s get this DADT repealed, create job protection, grant gay marriage (none of this civil union crap either, it honestly is NOT the same as marriage), create hate crime laws that include ALL PERSONS and do something about the people who nothing but spread hate.
Over the summer I spoke to a good friend of mine about how the world could possibly change and make a difference in terms of gay rights. My answer was for every gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, questioning (or queer), and intersex person to come out (of course, when that person is ready). This would prove that the LGBTQI community is less of a minority than what some people thought. It’s funny that I said this months ago, because last week I watched interviews with both Portia de Rossi and Ricky Martin and they BOTH said that the only way to really change what is happening is for every person to come out.
It’s only going to get better if change happens.
Human rights should never be something that has to be voted on. Let’s not repeat the mistakes that have been made for years.
A mistake I think is continually made is that politicians don't reach out to the youth enough (and they wonder why the youngins' just don't care about politics and don't care about voting). Not once in this recent election did I see one candidate from anywhere reach out to young voters. It was mostly going towards middle aged voters. Do they realize the things they are voting on will affect OUR generation? So democrats, republicans, independents, whomever, if you want more people to care, reach out to your college aged crowds and such and get your message through personally. Most college students and young adults don't have cable, so they're not going to see your attack ads (nor care to even watch them honestly). Visit colleges if you can. Visit popular hangouts and meet the people you are going to lead. Motivate and convince us why we should listen and vote. I voted in this recent election, but I'll be honest, I didn't know who most of the candidates were because I had never heard of them. I'm thankful I had an early ballot because I could at least have a little time to research the people who were listed. Also, enough with the attack ads. Young adults hear enough bickering in their day to day lives. I'm sure most young adults want to hear from someone who doesn't through drama into others' faces.
Play nice, kids.
Peace out.
Today has been a Palin themed day, particularly a Bristol Palin themed day. She was on The Ellen Show, and currently I’m watching Dancing with the Stars (as you should know that she is a contestant on the show). Having watched Bristol Palin dance a good number of times, I still don’t understand why she hasn’t been voted off yet. I highly doubt she’ll win the competition, but if she does, I think many viewers will stop watching the show. Seriously. I didn’t know Bristol Palin is a spokeswoman for teen pregnancy and is promoting abstinence only (DWTS addressed her as a ‘teen activist’). In my opinion, I think Bristol Palin could be doing better things with her time. Whoopty doo for her wanting to go outside her comfort zone and try something new like Dancing with the Stars. Good for her. But I don’t think she realized what she had gotten herself into once she signed on. She’s only 20 years old, with a two year old son and a bat shit crazy mother. Bristol Palin makes $15,000 to $30,000 per speaking gig (who knows how much she’s making for DWTS) she does. Plus, as far as I know, she’s living at home with the rest of her family. Why doesn’t she use her money and go to school? This would perhaps give her a better reputation since her teen pregnancy and crazy mother haven’t helped. That and not getting her absentee ballot in for the recent election.
I tried to find an official website for Sarah Palin and could only find her facebook and twitter account (along with the usual wikipedia page and a PAC site). To be honest, I don’t want to find out what politicians’ political stances are by looking at a facebook or twitter account. I just don’t find it professional. Since I refuse to use twitter, I looked at her facebook. It’s insane. She called Election Day “Freedom Day.” I read her note about Juan Williams. What she’s doing is catagorizing all Muslims into on group; terrorists. Not every Muslim is a radical Muslim, just waiting on standby to attack. What a giant middle finger to Muslim Americans who live their lives like any other average human being in this country. Juan Williams’ Muslim stereotype is like a white person feeling uncomfortable when a black person steps on to the bus wearing baggy pants and a baggy shirt. These are wonderful lessons we are teaching the youth of the United States! I didn’t do any further reading on Palin’s facebook as I could feel my IQ lower. Anywho… Sarah Palin served on the Wasilla city council, became mayor of Wasilla for two terms, and was governor of Alaska for three years. So, most experience was with local policy and just a taste of state (how can you imagine her accomplishing anything while governor when she was the vice presidential candidate for John McCain?). How anyone could see that she’d be a great candidate to run this country, only God, Allah, Buddah, whomever, knows. I guess what irks me the most right now about Sarah Palin is her running around the country being a pundit for FOX News and putting in her two cents in everything through social media. And you know damn well she’s going to run for President. All this time and energy that she’s wasting (and making herself look dumb and bad, thus furthering her reputation into the ground), I’m sure she could put it to much efficient use. Instead of this ridiculous reality show on TLC, copping out for money and exposing her family to the world, why not just put a lid on it and actually spend time with her family and take care of her kids (because you know the younger ones are going to become rebellious teenagers due to the lack of parenting). Why doesn’t she put her for in for wildlife conservation? Though, her shooting animals from helicopters may be troublesome. Even though I find her to be dumber than a brick right now, why doesn’t she put her foot in education? Afterall, the sources I could find on her say she supports education, and that IS an area that needs LOADS of help right now. Her father was a teacher and her mother was a school secretary. Why not? Help the kids. Help the teachers. Though, this may be troublesome when it comes to social issues, but let’s not get into that just yet. A lot of women kind of hate her, especially when she tries to hard to say she’s a womens activist. Whatever. Why doesn’t she put her foot in the door for breast cancer, or ovarian cancer? Womens health. That could quite possibly be the way she could redeem herself. Sarah, when it comes to politics, you just aren’t welcome. There are a lot of causes out there that need help. Politics just isn’t your cup of tea.
Since we’re talking republicans…
Meghan McCain.
I think she’s wonderful to be honest (even though she’s John McCain’s daughter). I kind of want to buy her book (mostly because I can’t figure out her blog). I’ll admit, I think she’s attractive. It also helps that she’s LGBTQI friendly, shoots LGBT PSAs, and judges drag pageants. Oh yeah. She’s a cool republican in my book. She also thinks Christine O’Donnell is nuts and criticizes Bristol Palin’s abstinence campaign because it’s “not realistic for this generation.”
I found an article today about a Tea Party organization going nuts in a town called Fountain Hills, AZ because the town voted to have a single trash collector and start a curbside recycling program. The Tea Party is calling it socialism (isn’t this they’re argument for everything nowadays?). Heavens tibetsy, it’s just trash! AND RECYLCING! It sounds like the town is looking out for the cleanliness and an environmentally savvy way to keep the town clean. Why is it a big deal that Fountain Hills doesn’t have a choice of who picks up his/her trash? It’s trash! People are getting riled up over the stupidest things. Why aren’t we focusing on saving our schools? Finding cures for cancer? Solving homelessness? Putting a stop to crime and violence? Since January, Chicago has had 379 murders.
Now yes, I do spend a lot of time criticizing the GOP and Tea Party. I am a registered democrat. But I’m not saying that I’m satisfied with that my party has done either.
Seriously dems, you need to grow a pair.
Stop piddling around and get shit done. This is why the gays and a good portion of the country are turning their backs on you. The LGBTQI community is getting antsy and fed up. We live in 2010 and the country is letting people get away with saying gays should be hung. Folks, we don’t live in Uganda so let’s knock this crap off. A good portion of Europe is ahead of us when it comes to civil liberties. So what is taking the United States so long? DADT hasn’t been repealed. Conservatives are trying to go back and change marriage laws in Iowa. People can still be fired for being gay. What kind of message are we sending to children? That it’s not ok to be yourself? To not be different? To not love unconditionally? This always ends in a religious debate, so let’s just take it there and get it over with.
The people who oppose gay marriage pretty much have based their arguments on the Bible. What about the people who practice other religions? Or don’t practice a religion at all? What about the folks who don’t believe in God and get married in court houses? To the people who oppose homosexuality and gay marriage, I don’t expect every religion to accept my offer to get married in their church. I do, however, expect to be accepted for who I am. Besides, if I get married, I’d find a church (if I would decide to get married in one) that I’m comfortable with. I also don’t think the people who are of opposition realize how much evolution marriage has gone through. Don’t they realize that history is all about change? Gay marriage in this country isn’t personally inflicting harm on to anyone. And marriage was originally about property. And this sacrament of marriage crap? Look at the overload of heterosexual couples who have been divorced in this country (and especially at those who have been married and divorced more than once). Sacred my butt. Another thing that gripes me is how people condemn gays because they have non-reproductive sex. Straight couples do so as well! Why not pick on them too? Condemn the heterosexual couples as well who can’t have kids or choose not to. Let this be stated; gays are not on this planet to brainwash others. Gay teachers do not teacher so they can brainwash their students into becoming gay. Heavens no! Gay teachers teach because they love to teach, like all the other teachers out there who choose to go into the profession. Homosexuality is not a choice, but homophobia is.
The “It Gets Better” ads.
These were a really good idea in the beginning. But now they are getting annoying because practically EVERYONE has made one. To a good number of the famous and political folks who have created one, I want them prove what they are saying. Does it really get better? Because by the looks of it, it’s not. We still live in a society where you see hateful messages said by politicians every day on the television. White House, let us mean what we say and do it. If it’s going to get better, let’s get this DADT repealed, create job protection, grant gay marriage (none of this civil union crap either, it honestly is NOT the same as marriage), create hate crime laws that include ALL PERSONS and do something about the people who nothing but spread hate.
Over the summer I spoke to a good friend of mine about how the world could possibly change and make a difference in terms of gay rights. My answer was for every gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, questioning (or queer), and intersex person to come out (of course, when that person is ready). This would prove that the LGBTQI community is less of a minority than what some people thought. It’s funny that I said this months ago, because last week I watched interviews with both Portia de Rossi and Ricky Martin and they BOTH said that the only way to really change what is happening is for every person to come out.
It’s only going to get better if change happens.
Human rights should never be something that has to be voted on. Let’s not repeat the mistakes that have been made for years.
A mistake I think is continually made is that politicians don't reach out to the youth enough (and they wonder why the youngins' just don't care about politics and don't care about voting). Not once in this recent election did I see one candidate from anywhere reach out to young voters. It was mostly going towards middle aged voters. Do they realize the things they are voting on will affect OUR generation? So democrats, republicans, independents, whomever, if you want more people to care, reach out to your college aged crowds and such and get your message through personally. Most college students and young adults don't have cable, so they're not going to see your attack ads (nor care to even watch them honestly). Visit colleges if you can. Visit popular hangouts and meet the people you are going to lead. Motivate and convince us why we should listen and vote. I voted in this recent election, but I'll be honest, I didn't know who most of the candidates were because I had never heard of them. I'm thankful I had an early ballot because I could at least have a little time to research the people who were listed. Also, enough with the attack ads. Young adults hear enough bickering in their day to day lives. I'm sure most young adults want to hear from someone who doesn't through drama into others' faces.
Play nice, kids.
Peace out.
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