Life in Technicolor II

As much of an allegiance as I hold to Frédéric Chopin, he really wasn’t that wonderful of a person. Or perhaps celebrity would be a more understandable term to what exactly I meant. His life wasn’t as tragic as per se, Ludwig van Beethoven, Johannes Brahms, or Robert Schumann (poor guy!). He started out almost as every other notable composer started his career (for the first time I’m not saying her because music history failed to include most women in it). He was born to a French father and a Polish mother. He composed, traveled and performed. Big deal. He had several ladies in his time. After 9 years, he separated from his partner. The separation was the beginning of the end of Chopin. His health was going downhill and he lost interest in composing. He traveled some more, gave a few private performances, took some time off to rest, and performed some more. His final resting place was Paris where I died of tuberculosis. His life really was nothing compared to Beethoven’s hearing lost, Brahms’ unrequited love affairs, and Schumann’s mental illness. Yet somehow, the man has captured my musical allegiance.

I have sat down at the piano once more. Finally. I’ve begun to learn Chopin’s Nocturne in C# Minor, Op. 27, No. This was one of the nocturnes I had to choose from to play during my undergraduate studies. I obviously didn’t choose this one even though I absolutely love this piece. I just didn’t feel ready to play it. Both as a pianist and as an emotional human being. So far I have only gotten through the first two pages, trying to get my left hand used to the large leaps once more. I know I won’t learn this piece as fast as I have learned others (life without recital and jury deadlines still feels strange, though I’m not complaining), but I know that I am capable of learning it on my own. Some people say Chopin’s music was a record of Chopin himself. If that’s the case, his transformation of the nocturne that we know of today perhaps could be said that it chronicled a part of his life that may not be known in the books but we at least understand when we either read the notes on the pages or simply sit and listen. Nocturnes and nationalist songs were his specialty. I’m a nocturne player at heart. After listening to Chopin’s nocturnes, you can’t tell you are not left feeling either in love or heartbroken later on. He just had this amazing way of bringing out emotion through the full use of the keyboard’s capabilities. The nocturne I intend to take on after this on is the Nocturne in D Flat Major, Op. 27, No. 2. How can you not find it hard to breathe while listening to that piece?

Other than the fact that I’ve sat down at the piano again, how else does this apply to my life? Well, for tonight, it is the opposite. As I continually find myself engulfed in Chopin’s romanticism, the eternal heartbreak that an artist is plagued with seems slightly non-applicable over the past couple of days. Sure, my non-existent love life is still confusing as ever that I am only usually willing to discuss at ease with two people. But I shouldn’t be so concerned with that right now, as tragic as it is. All of the sudden, life has been kind to me. At a time where I question my faith in God, I wonder if this is him (I finally decided God has to be a man, who else would get Mary knocked up and not pay child support? Besides, we always say father, so I don’t know why people are always questioning God’s gender) finally saying, “You know what? You know how over the past 4 months I’ve put you through hell (not literally)? Well, here’s your break, kid.” I don’t know how this works. All these good things just started happening. I’m not used to good things happening. People started taking an interest in me and want to hang out. Well, I guess there are only two good things. That was the first one. The second one takes a lot of explaining. It’s a story and a half to tell.

Tuesday afternoon I received an e-mail from K~M~, one of my former cooperating teachers, forwarding me an e-mail she received and checking up on me to see how I was doing. The message that was forwarded was from the CPS music curriculum supervisor. The supervisor had sent out an e-mail he received from Mr. S~, the music department chair of Curie, the high school I student taught at, to all CPS music teachers saying they were in need of a new orchestra instructor. Automatically I knew something wasn’t right. School started Sept. 7 and already they needed a new orchestra teacher? What about Mr. B~? I contacted Mr. B~ right away to find out what happened. He is not at liberty to tell me exactly what happened. Only the basic gist. And that, I don’t feel at liberty to share with you. All I can really say is he isn’t teaching right now. He told me he gave my name to Mr. S~ and I should contact him. I call Mr. S~ and find out that I could stand in for Mr. B~ until this gets cleared up. I would teach orchestra at Curie temporarily (or what may become permanently). I explained to him that I have my Nebraska Teacher’s Certificate, I took the necessary ISBE tests and applied for my Illinois Teacher’s Certificate but I don’t have it yet. If it was up to him, I could go ahead and teach. But, since I don’t have my Illinois Certificate yet, he has to speak with the principal. Mr. S~ called me back today to tell me that I have to have my Illinois Certificate in hand. Once I have it, we can more on and go through with things. Mr. B~ is really hoping for me to stand in for him. I feel awful about this whole situation and I want to do what I can to help. I learned from one of the students they’ve just had a substitute and whose who have instruments and still remember their locker combinations have been practicing during class. In the two emergencies that have come up in the past couple of months, I have been the first name that comes to mind for Mr. B~ to call to stand in for him. I know the students. I know the school. I know the classroom. A piece of paper is preventing me from driving out there right now to help. And so, I’ve been trying to do research to find a way around this. I may have found a solution. I responded to K~M~’s e-mail late last night, explaining to her the situation. She responded tonight and told me I could call the ISBE and get an immediate provisional license until the real thing comes through. To my knowledge, a provisional license lasts 2 years. Perfect! I’ve also heard of people having jobs be put on hold for them after they’ve been hired because they haven’t received their certificate. I e-mailed Mr. S~ a few hours ago with these bits of information. I really want to teach there. But I really want Mr. B~ to teach there was well.

I am excited and frightened at the same time. This would be a real teaching experience. A REAL ONE. THIS WOULD BE IT. I’m excited to teach students how to hold their instruments, how to read music, how to move their wrists. I’m excited to teach students how to read a conductor’s language once more and to lead them with my magic wand (my baton!!!). I’m excited to turn these students into musicians. I’m excited for them to make music, for them to be proud of what they are capable of doing. The biggest fear I have is I don’t know as much about teaching orchestra as I would like to right now. But I feel this is common with every music teacher. During our undergraduate studies, we are taught to focus on one instrument during four years and know bits and pieces about the rest. I’m lucky that I’ve played violin since I was 11, had half a year of viola lessons, and bought a cello for me to practice on (which I started back up last Friday). My weakness is bass. If it wasn’t for the bass lesson Mr. B~ gave me one day, I wouldn’t have a foundation at all. However, bass is his primary instrument. Piano is mine. Usually, when I student taught, he took the cellos and basses, and I took the violins and violas. I know the upper strings. He knows the lower strings. And this is one of the reason why I think we made a great teaching team and why he said that normally he doesn’t like team teaching, but he’d love to have me teach with him some day. And so, tomorrow I will be trying to contact the ISBE, again, as whenever I called today, I was always directed to visit a website.

Life could get exciting and scary fast. Here was I settled with living at home for a year, subbing (I also applied for the para position yesterday and no word) and now this comes out of nowhere. I could be back in Chicago by the end of September. I might be sleeping on an air mattress on the floor and living out of a suitcase, but still. Mr. B~ told me that if I need help finding a place to stay at, to let him know. I feel blessed and thankful to have met the people that I did while in Chicago. After reading the long response K~M~ wrote to me tonight, each time I speak with her, the more I find her in myself. The more I feel like we really click (even if people think we resemble each other). I had mentioned to her that I was in Mt. Greenwood while taking my ISBE tests and she said that if she would have known that, she would have taken me out for lunch since she lives in that area. Like I stated in my very first blog entry, “Via Chicago,” my time in Chicago was the best four months of my life and will continue to be a memory I will cherish and hold on to.

That’s that situation.

So September’s goals are:
Get an Illinois Teaching Certificate
Buy the full first season of Glee on dvd.
Buy the new Azure Ray album.

The internet situation is pending. We received an activation letter today but no modem. At least, not to my knowledge. As soon as we get a modem, I think we can push forth and say so long to dial-up internet. I still don’t understand why my parents got a different phone number though. It doesn’t make sense.

At the moment, I am still scheduled to substitute teach for the very first time next Tuesday with 3rd grade. I find it daunting. I’m nervous out of my mind. I feel bad going into this never having taught in a general classroom before. I pray the teacher leaves me thorough instructions. I find it unreal that I’m actually subbing. I figure, if I can handle south side Chicago kids, I can handle Sky-Town kids. However, while I was in the high school yesterday dropping off my para application, I remembered while I dislike this town so much. I just got stared at like a strange animal. Yes, I look like a student. Yes, I’m still small. And yes, I look like something that rolled out of an indie film. Big deal. I dress far better than your hunter green wind suits. Huhhh… whatever. I try not to broadcast so much that I’m living in Sky-town mostly because of the interrogation I could go through from those who live here. I’m proud of who I am, and I think I dress pretty awesome. I just want to avoid all the crap I could go through if I walked around this town. But that’s enough negative energy.

I’m going to go back to listening to Coldplay’s “Life in Technicolor II” and “Postcards from Far Away.” “Postcards from Far Away” has become one of my favorite pieces to play on piano over the past couple of months. I listened to "Postcards from Far Away" so many times while riding the 79 bus back to the red line after school in Chicago. Thank you H~ for supplying me with this album. :)

Peace out.