Kicking Television

Tonight has been one of the few nights in months I’ve had where I truly despise living at ‘home’ just because of how disconnected I feel from the rest of the world. “Why don’t you just get out of the house and drive?” Well, why don’t YOU come visit ME for once? I want so bad for life to just take a chill pill for a while so I stop running around like a chicken with its head cut off, or to stop waiting for something to happen. The Curie situation is at a standstill. However, I finally have a status update on my certificate. The ISBE has begun to process my provisional certificate. Let’s hope that it issues next week and that I can tell Mr. S~ what the 411 is and that I’ll be able to ship myself out to Chicago to teach. I’ve mostly just been thinking of what I would say on that first day to the students and how I would try to get the year back into motion. Planning, planning, planning. That’s all I’ve been thinking about. And I worry that all this planning may go to waste if this doesn’t work in my favor. However, even if I would get to teach at Curie, there’s the chance that I would have to leave if Mr. B~ can come back. I would then most likely have to come back to Nebraska, to once again, live in my parents’ basement. Though, this would be an amazing step of getting my foot in the door.

Aside from thinking about school, I’ve been thinking about politics. It’s the only thing I think of other than music anymore. I was intending to write a blog of basically what has been running through my mind all day, but those thoughts have exhausted me from pursuing this feat.

This blog entry isn’t going to be like my recent posts. A lot of it will be spontaneous thoughts. So I apologize if I don’t entertain you this evening with something intriguing and slightly intellectual.

- I have about 30 pages left in The World of Six Songs. I am finally on the Love chapter, and I find it slightly disappointing. However, these is a passage by Joni Mitchell that I’m going to share with you all that I found key once I finish the book. I could have had it finished by now, but reading makes me tired. I already fell asleep once this evening. I don’t need any more sleep than I’ve already received.

- The thought of this slightly scares me. I have four Curie students as facebook friends. I have my profile limited and semi-censored and don’t ever send them messages really unless it’s absolutely necessary or I’m concerned about them. A lot of controversy surrounds this issue. I know Mr. B~ and other Curie instructors have facebooks and are friends with many of their students. Considering who the students are and how many, I’m ok with it for now I guess. The only good thing that I’ve realized out of this was how old they actually are, which was older than I thought. This has given me ideas of what to do on a first day if I’m back at Curie; find out how old the students are/what grade they are in. This would help tremendously.

- Still no non-dial-up internet yet. Though technically we have it. My dad ordered a modem the other day, something that should have been done ages ago.

- The songwriting season has been going well lately. I’m writing music that I want to write. I’ve been contemplating a new project. The only way this can work is if I end up in Nebraska for the year. I just need another musician, preferably female, but I suppose I could make a male work too. Either one just has to be comfortable singing. And I have just the person in mind, but I need to know where I’m going to end up. This is more of something to cure my musical antsyness. I just want to make music. Really bad.

- To my Chicago Center friends: Do you realize that in about three months, it will have been a year since we met each other?

- My subbing day gets closer and closer. Nervous? Goodness yes. I’m more nervous to sub than I am to teach music on my own. At least I would know what I’m talking about most of the time.

This is really all I have left in me tonight. Everything about this weekend feels uncertain. I really crave stability right now. That and some company.

Peace out.